According to studies, 61-76% of men cheat on their wives. Russia occupies a leading position in the number of divorces that arise due to betrayal, addictions, housing problems, the inability to have children and the intervention of relatives. Infidelity is not only one of the main factors of divorce, but also a condition that impedes marriage, and prevents the building of new relationships. Why are men cheating? Let's figure it out.
What is treason
Man is a socio-biological being. Treason can be considered from the point of view of both positions. Biologically polygamy is inherent in people, but in the process of socialization and evolution we have learned to remain faithful to the person with whom life connects us, the community of interests.
In addition to primitive instincts and socialization, fidelity depends on the hormones vasopressin and oxytocin, which are responsible for affection, tenderness and trust. Read more about this in the article "Why a woman has changed - the answer of the psychologist."
At the same time, treason is a consequence of the psychological fragmentation of people. The components of a strong marriage are joint business, joint development, common interests, regular sex. Moreover, intimacy is a consequence of spiritual intimacy.
Do you know that 29% of husbands and 32% of wives find lovers at work? This is not a coincidence, but the result of a common cause, common goals and interests. And 21% of men and 40% of women find lovers on vacation. Again, not a coincidence, but a community of interests. If all this happens in the family, then there will be no thoughts of treason.
Reasons for male adultery
In order to understand why men cheat on their wives, they find out the reasons that pushed them to such an act:
- Psychological tendency to treason. There are men (people call them womanizer women) who do not imagine their life with one woman. This is not just men's natural polygamy, but the result of education. It can even be argued that the concept of “a real man has many women” is laid down to the boy by his parents, then it turns into a lifestyle. Paradoxically, some women support this view.
- The desire to enjoy. Each person seeks to have fun, but everyone has their own ideas about him, and the ways to achieve pleasure are also different. Most often, satisfaction is given taking into account the interests and needs of those around them, but a selfish person puts his needs above all else. The selfish husband is not interested in the problems and suffering of loved ones - he wants to have fun, and he gets it.
- The pursuit of diversity in sexual life. Such a desire is characteristic of both women and men. Another thing is how this desire is realized: some are satisfied with fantasies and watching the corresponding videos, others make changes in intimate life in the family, and others change partners.
- Feeling of dissatisfaction. To some extent, this reason is related to the previous one - a man is not satisfied with the quality of his sexual life with his wife (monotony, without imagination, not as often as he wants, and so on).
- Lack of intimacy. Not the most common reason for male adultery, as men rarely experience discomfort from a lack of spiritual harmony in the family.
- The desire for self-affirmation drives the notorious and insecure men who are trying to add value to themselves through sexual achievement.
- Dissatisfaction with life and the need to improve its quality is a common cause of male adultery. Often this dissatisfaction is completely unrelated to the family.
- The desire to take revenge on a wife who has somehow inflicted an insult or insult to her husband (usually cheating is answered by treason).
- Boredom is also an occasion for a man to change.
- Weak character and subordinate position in the family pushes the husband to another woman who sees him as a man and a breadwinner.
- Married men after 50 years are cheating on their wives to prove their worth and masculinity.
Gray in the beard - demon in the rib
Important! According to statistics, up to 30% of sons repeat the father’s lifestyle: if the father cheated on his mother, then the son is also prone to adultery.
Parenting in the family and environment seriously affect the guy’s tendency to cheat.
Features of the first betrayal
Men differently than women relate to adultery. The psychology of man’s betrayal is such that he does not see betrayal, but only a physical act that does not affect the emotional sphere of the person. For womanizer men, the first adultery may not have any particularities, since polygamy is their usual way of life. In other cases, not every guy just decides to cheat, especially out of revenge. He decides for a long time why he needs it, weighs all the pros and cons of the action. To indecision is added the fear of exposure. In a separate group, it is worth making spontaneous betrayals under the influence of alcohol, drugs, laughing substances or circumstances, mental torment is already after the fact.
Important! The first betrayal does not always become the beginning of a reckless life.
A loving or very busy wife does not always find out about her husband's infidelities. Usually she discovers this last. Professional and folk psychologists have identified a number of signs by which it can be determined that the husband began to violate marital fidelity:
- Suddenly he became a workaholic (overtime work, frequent business trips, work days off, which had never happened before), but there are no surcharges for extra time and duties.
- More thoroughly than he usually takes care of himself (more often he goes to the shower, carefully selects clothes, he bought a perfume for himself and so on).
- Suddenly decided to go in for sports, but does not allow his wife to join him.
- It makes changes in intimate life: refuses sex at all or allows rare mechanical acts or applies new poses and sex toys without the consent of the wife.
- Throws evaluative views on other women even in the presence of a wife or even “consults” with her.
- Changes the attitude towards his wife: shows increased attentiveness and affection, or, conversely, rudeness, pickiness, irritability and rudeness.
- Hides his gaze (only relevant after the first betrayal, male womanizer or cheating regularly do not avoid direct eye contact).
- It doesn’t allow you to touch a mobile phone, changed passwords in your phone, computer, social networks (although I didn’t forbid my wife to use gadgets before), it doesn’t allow me to see what he’s doing on the Internet.
Important! All of these signs are rather arbitrary, some of them can be observed with absolutely faithful husbands under certain conditions (for example, they prepare a surprise for a wife for her birthday together with her best friend and more).
Do not judge infidelity on only one basis. At the same time, if a wife notices her husband’s romance at the very beginning, she will have more chances to maintain a full marriage.
Why the husband does not leave after treason
Many cells of society were faced with male adultery, but not all of them fell apart. For what reason the cheating husband does not want or cannot leave the family:
- Psychological and physical comfort (the wife will solve everyday problems and will take care of raising children, the lover will give pleasure and delightful emotions).
- Fear of condemnation of relatives and friends, fear of losing established social contacts.
- Unwillingness to injure children.
- Lack of desire to share acquired wealth with his wife.
- Unreadiness to live with a strange woman.
- The lack of a significant emotional connection with the mistress and a frivolous attitude towards her.
- Deep affection for his wife.
Important! According to statistics, only 10% of men leave the family for a homeowner. Then almost half of them returned with repentance.
1. The wife deprives the spouse of a feeling of fullness and self-sufficiency
In our society, many men do not feel self-sufficient always and everywhere.
At the first time of family relations, the inner void of the husband is closed by his wife. They think they will love each other forever.
A wife for him is a woman who will always be with him.
Now he feels self-sufficient and safe.
In your family, you yourself can deprive each other of thatthat then you start looking in other people:
- A wife may begin to deprive her husband of a sense of self-reliance and confidence during frequent scandals, domestic problems or misunderstandings. This happens when the couple is very long together.
- Time passes, the wife no longer gives that lovewhich she gave before. And the husband is looking for her in the arms of his mistress.
- Spouse no longer gives this feeling of fullness and harmony, the husband begins to look for this feeling on the side.
If all this happens exactly in your relationship, that is why a married man will have a mistress.
This is a problem not only of the spouse, but also of the husband. He had to increase his level of awareness, work on himself and be self-sufficient in itself, without relying on external factors.
2. He found a lover with whom just cool
With a wife, a husband often does not feel cool. With a wife - this is a family, this is love, idyll and children.
And there is another girl with whom it is cool!
We will reveal in more detail the question of why men make lovers and the psychology of their thinking, why do they secretly spend time with them:
- A lover helps her husband mentally escape from family and domestic problems.
- He has a lover with whom he wants intimacy and who really turns on.
- He turns himself on to a girl who delights him.
- The lover gives those new emotions and sensations that the wife does not give.
- With this new woman, he can talk about those things that he will never talk to his wife.
3. Routine, addiction and monotony in the family
Husbands cheat on wives because they want diversity. They want adventure, something new.
A family should not have a routine life.
A person cannot eat the same yogurt in the morning, at lunch, in the evening and at night. You will not be able to eat this yogurt for two weeks every day, because it is not normal and you will get tired of it.
The same thing can happen in your family.
4. Between you lost attraction and chemistry
Attraction and chemistry in the relationship lasts 0.5 - 2 years maximum. Then it all ends.
The opinion of scientists about why husbands are cheating on wives is to get used to the partner's pheromones. Because of this addiction, you are already fed up with each other.
These are the realities of life. Everything can be fed up.
5. Spouse polygamy and before that lived in a free relationship
On the topic of what his psychology is and why men cheat on girls, it will be correct to mention the following facts:
- Your spouse cannot immediately suppress her instinctsif earlier he gave them full will. He cannot stop and no longer look at other women.
- No matter how much the wolf feeds, it still looks into the forest.
- If a man in life is an alpha male, hunter and lover, then it will be hard for him to suppress this in himself.
- The guy wants to live according to his intentions and desiresbut he cannot do it openly and cheats.
Therefore, he closedly turns on cool mistresses with whom it is cool and with which you can temporarily forget about family life and all the problems arising from it.
6. She gives all her time to the child
If a child has appeared in your family, then mother will spend a lot of time at first only with him.
How a child affects your sex life:
- These are constant screams at night that will not let you rest together.
- This is baby care, diapers, breastfeed.
- A woman after childbirth cannot make love.
- Sometimes, when a baby sucks milk from her mother, breastfeeding is a pleasure for some women. And the wife no longer so wants to spend time in bed with her husband.
From here, as a rule, life in bed in your family goes by the wayside.
But the husband finds no other way out than to extinguish his passion with his mistress.
In this case, the psychology is that husbands cheat on their wives and want more at night, but they do not want to leave their family and child.
7. You have everything bad in bed, dissatisfaction
Some women are not yet fully aware of their femininity and attractiveness.
Your mating games in bed may not satisfy the partner.
Not all women master their bed skills for the following reasons.:
- The wife is very youngand not so experienced.
- Some girls are very pinched, do not know how to express their passion and love at night.
- Lack of education and limitations in knowledge.
- Not all wives want to accept the fantasies of their men. A man by nature loves to translate his extreme fantasies into reality. Some refuse to experiment at all.
If a man tried this way and that, but it doesn’t change or bring diversity to bed, out of desperation he can find a lover.
Or even just find a girl walking for one night.
After all, if the wife is very bad in bed, a man can find a girl who is in many ways just better.
Spouse can find that girl on the side, which makes him just carry the brain in bed. He will secretly admire her and not tell you.
About a different smell
Not all men know that the wife always recognizes the smell of another woman. Even if the spouse went to the shower or scented, she intuitively understands and feels everything. The man suspects nothing, and the woman delves into her head and asks herself the question: “Why do guys cheat on their girls?”
And the husband can still naively believe that everything is under control, and he owns the situation. He does not even suspect that the spouse recognized the smell of another.
8. Because of the perception “You can change, if only no one knows”
Because of television and mass media, the idea that married men are obliged to change is laid in the brain of a young man from birth.
Guys cheat, although they love their girlfriend, because for them it is considered the norm and commonplace, as if in the order of things.
In some families, wives directly make it clear to the partner: “If you cheat on me, it’s so that I don’t recognize».
They really voice it and say, and the spouse remembers and draws conclusions.
Of course, then the wife will regret what was said if betrayal comes up.
9. To create jealousy or out of a sense of revenge
Some men are very jealous. They can be driven by selfish motives for treason.
That is, even because of the simple feelings of envy or feelings of inferiority the husband wants to make his wife jealous.
Also, the reason may be that the wife spent time with the wrong people or cheated on him once.
Then the man will want to fill a hole in his self-esteem and amuse his vanity on the side, taking revenge on his wife.
For example, he sees his wife talking at some holiday and flirting with other men.
Her husband is often jealous of all peasants in a row.
He remembers all this, and is looking for a lover in order to be jealous of him now.
10. Male patriarchy
Unconsciously, a man has the following belief: “I can do it with anyone I want, but the girl doesn’t". Maybe for girls this will be a shocking answer to the question of why men cheat. But this is how our society works.
That is, in this case, the husband puts his interests above his wife and allows himself to go left.
A man thinks that he has some privileges due to patriarchy in the family.
Also, the reason for the betrayal may be that in childhood, the husband’s father also cheated on his wife.
Now an adult repeats the mistakes of parents.
Factors of treason
The first thing that comes to mind: a man does not want and does not love his wife, she does not attract him as a person and as a girl.But after all, not always sex from the family completely disappears and goes to the side, sometimes it is present both there and there. Or a man cheats once, does not start a permanent mistress.
What caused this behavior:
- sexual dissatisfaction
- curiosity, taboo of sex in the family, unmet need for sexual experiments, not responding to the spouse,
- conflicts in relationships, frequent quarrels and scandals, family crisis,
- lack of freedom, suppression by the wife,
- intimate problems causing a desire to test male power on the side,
- treason of the wife and desire to avenge it,
- thirst for revenge against the background of the wife’s behavior, which angered her husband,
- the spouse’s insecurity, attempts to assert oneself due to the demand for women,
- long separation, love in the distance,
- breakdown of relationships, loss of feelings, cohabitation without love,
- suggestibility, looking at others (1% of men change under the influence of friends, the influence of authoritative persons),
- early marriage
- a desire to break the ban, to act in spite (actually, when a woman “chokes” jealousy, forbids even to look at other women, including on the Internet).
In addition, age and intrapersonal crises make their contribution. Treason is a reaction to conflict. It can be as only family, and only personal, or family, and intrapersonal.
The differences between male and female infidelities look interesting:
- Husbands who decide to commit adultery, as a rule, consider their marriage successful and prosperous, but boring or inferior. But women who cheat on her husband admit that dissatisfaction with marriage was the leading motive.
- Men are looking for new sensations, a new body and a new experience. Women in the first place put forward the emotional aspects of intimacy, friendship and trust, support, compliments, attention.
- Women more often have a permanent lover. Men more often have fleeting affair with different women.
Treason plays in different roles: a way of revenge, a means of attracting attention, self-affirmation, increasing self-esteem. This is a choice ruled by selfishness and personal needs of the one who changed. But this is not always about sexual needs. This is the complexity of the question.
Psychology of the act
The psychological background of infidelity in men and women is very different. If for a woman sex is a mental and physical intimacy with a partner, then some men interpret sexual intercourse as a discharge of excess physiological fluid. That is, a man violates fidelity only physically, the soul remains faithful to his wife.
Only body changes
In addition, in some sections of society, a lover is a sign of wealth and prestige. Sometimes wives themselves push their husbands towards adultery, refusing them sex or emotional closeness.
History No. 1. Cyril, 44 years old
“How can she sit at home and do nothing for 20 years?” I’ve been in a serious business since I was 18, and my level, like the level of people around me, is constantly growing. I am surrounded by successful, strong, beautiful women who achieve success in life. And I really get attracted to them. If you put them next to my wife, who is only interested in children and TV shows, then you will understand me ... "
Cheating often appears in a family where a man reaches a high level of income and status, and the spouse remains at the initial level. The points of contact and common interests between them become less and less every year, and as a result they may not remain at all. The option of “becoming a wonderful hostess and a loyal rear” deceitfully seems ideal, and a woman often turns out to be faithful and disappointed.
History No. 2. Veronica, 29 years old
A case from pair therapy, a wife turns to her husband: “Do you remember, already in the sixth month of my pregnancy, you were staring at a woman in a park? I know that all men have only sex in their heads, just give them freedom, and they are all hard. And some prostitutes work in your bank. ”
The huge amount of anger, claims and resentment that women throw out on a man in the form of screams, claims, tantrums is only a consequence of a childhood or teenage injury.
For example, the girl’s father, working in a bank and becoming a major boss, at some point began to openly and constantly cheat on his wife, humiliating and devaluing his family. It all ended up leaving him alone. This severe pain and fear that everything can happen exactly the same in her family, in relation to her and her child, provokes emotional breakdowns in an adult girl.
And here the phenomenon of social psychology begins, which is called the Rosenthal Effect or the Pygmalion Effect. The phenomenon is that if you, due to your, more often negative, life circumstances and experience, expect an action from another person (for example, treason), you yourself begin to act in accordance with this belief. And provoke another person to it.
Another simple example: a guy cheated on a girl. After some time, she dealt with this and began a relationship. And if she again, for the second time, had a painful breakup because of betrayal or betrayal, the girl formed an unpleasant algorithm: “At first everything is fine in the relationship, but then something bad will happen.” If this belief is firmly fixed, no matter how wonderful her subsequent relations with the new young man may be, sooner or later she herself will start to inspire herself that everything is not as good as she thinks and unconsciously perform actions that can lead to an unpleasant outcome . Checking the phone, the scene of jealousy in public places, references to the former and that "all men are like that."
Story No. 3, Christina, 25 years old
“And when I found out that he had a girlfriend, I realized that I needed to save him. After all, relations with her began to influence him and our family badly, he became irritable, and it was evident from him that he felt guilty. ”
You began to save him? And who will save you? Why do you forget about yourself all the time and put yourself at the end of the line?
Low self-esteem, lack of goals and desires, a strong need for approval also provokes betrayal. Often this is a consequence of upbringing in an incomplete family, where the only parent did not give enough warmth, intimacy, a sense of need.
A child who does not satisfy the basic set of needs in the form of love and self-respect when he becomes an adult, can feel this greatest need all his life. It’s like an internal hole that a person is trying to close with everything that is tucked into his arm.
History No. 5. Igor, 30 years old
“When I want to have sex with her, I get the feeling that I force her to do so. The feeling that they are doing me a favor. And over time, the idea of my inferiority begins to appear in me. It's like I'm some kind of beggar from the street. ”
Both of these cases are united by one thing: if a man does not get what he needs in a relationship - and this is not necessarily sex, it is also communication, trust, care - he will look for it elsewhere. And sooner or later he will find what he lacks.
As you can see, the stories are different. But they are united by one thing: when we talk about cheating, we need to look into the past - both ours and our partner, remember the education we received, the negative experience. This will give an understanding of what kind of psychological attachments you have formed, what are your needs and the needs of your man.
But it is equally important that you, in your attempts to satisfy all the needs of a partner, do not lose your significance, do not dissolve in it and do not determine your value only through these relationships. This is often the reason for the loss of interest of your man and the subsequent betrayal.
There are articles that describe in 20 or more paragraphs what needs to be done so that the man does not change. But if you try to follow these tips, the question arises - are there such women on the planet in principle? And do you really need to become such a superwoman just to be respected? Or is it better to remain yourself?
“So many questions,” you say. This is the psychologist’s task - to ask questions, rather than give advice and teach manipulations, as clients sometimes ask.
Ask yourself more questions, and honestly answering yourself to them, build relationships so that your man does not even have the thought of treason.
Among my friends and clients there are only two categories of men who are alien to the word "treason".
The first, with the help of various psychological techniques and manipulations, “educate” their partners in such a way that for them the very fact of a man’s betrayal no longer seems to be such, but becomes a familiar part of their family life. Behind the external facade of well-being every year there is a strong pain of a woman who sooner or later will turn into a protracted depression. Such men have always been, are and will be, and they simply need to be avoided.
But the second category includes men who, together with their woman, have created and continue to create relationships with respect and love for each other. They well understand and complement their strengths and weaknesses. Their relationship is a joint growth and development. You can “create” such men in your life, it is only important to know about the needs of both parties and never forget about your own value. Try to answer one last question: “Who is the most valuable person in your life?”. If the answer came to the head “husband, mother, child” - this is not true. The most valuable person in your life is you.
Tension in the manifestation of emotions
If a man is not a level 80 cheated traitor, he will somehow feel guilty and awkward in front of his wife or partner. Because of this, his appeal to her will become strained, unnatural, as if he is playing some role or does not know at all how to behave now.
Particularly conscientious comrades may begin to try to make amends, showing increased attention to his wife. However, it always looks strained and unnatural.
A man feels the lying of his position, deep down he suffers from it. Therefore, he does not manage to show sincere affection for his wife; he himself feels himself false at these moments.
Reasons for husband cheating
The topic of men's unfaithfulness in marriage remains an eternal mystery. She has gone through centuries and goes through the whole history of marital relations. The reasons for the betrayal of men are many, and often they are very absurd. They lie in the field of physiology and psychology, in education and in the nature of family relationships. Recently, a significant role has been played by the sexual revolution of the middle of the last century and the obsessive propaganda of free sexual relations at present.
What to do
It is impossible to justify the betrayal, but it can always be explained. And whatever the factors, causes, conditions, hidden needs, by and large, betrayal reflects the values and beliefs of a person, their attitude to a partner. If you respect, love, value the one who is nearby, and in your head there is a strong belief that marriage and betrayal are incompatible, then you will not change under any circumstances. Even when drunk or far from your spouse (these are the excuses that are most popular).
There are two options: forgive treason, understand and eliminate its cause, or leave. If you decide that you can forgive, then be sure to contact a psychologist. It is important to really forgive, do everything so that you never once remind your spouse about it, and the memory itself does not affect you from the inside. You cannot forget the betrayal, but you can understand it and accept it, if you see the reason, the share of your responsibility, do the work on the mistakes.
However, this is not always permissible. First, remember your pride, personal boundaries, self-esteem, beliefs. If cheating does not fit into your worldview, and the spouse knew about it, then you need to keep your word, maintain boundaries, leave. This situation is similar to assault: once hit, the wife suffered, the husband will hit again and again. You must immediately stop what is unacceptable to you.
Secondly, do not allow a person to change again and again: to return to a warm and comfortable home, to be forgiven and change again. This is the victim’s scenario, or Karpman’s triangle — the personal psychological problems of both the husband and wife, which require a deep study by the psychoanalyst and correction of the relationship.
The victim’s scenario is also the cause of the betrayal. This is a specific way of thinking that makes people play the Sacrifice, the Tyrant and the Deliverer. Read more about this in the article “The role of the victim in relationships: what is it in psychology. How and why they become victims, how to get rid of the role of the victim. ”
Physiology and love
Male love has its own characteristics, as psychologists say. Yes, there is something in masculine passion that distinguishes it from a woman’s passion. Men's love is fundamentally in the field of physiology, while the love of a woman is in the field of psychology. Sexual need feeds all the feelings of a man. Having reached her satisfaction, passion gradually fades away. Women's love is long-lasting and a man needs to try very hard to make her fall out of love. Learn more about the psychology of love on our website.
The next feature of men, according to experts, is their polygamy. What does it mean? Is it good or bad? Nature made them like that. Men have a desire for sexual diversity. They are biologically programmed to leave as many offspring as possible. For this you need to have a lot of sexual relationships with many women. You can take note of this postulate, or you can be skeptical.
Another reason lying in the field of psychology is the difference in temperament. Pronounced extroverts do not tolerate the routine and monotony of family life. They, like air, need new impressions and experiences, relationships and new contacts.
Love, family, betrayal
The reason for the husband’s infidelity is often in family relationships. When getting married, young people dream of a lifelong romantic adventure. But after six months, dreams are broken about family life, material problems and difficulties living together. First, disappointment appears, and then boredom in the relationship, diluted with endless clarifications of the relationship. Boredom and the monotonous course of life push men to infidelity. Most often, betrayal begins after 4 or 5 years spent together. Each person is a separate, unique and very complex world. This is especially true for the psychology of men. According to psychologists, men who cheat on their wives because of their desire to add variety to gray, boring family everyday life, get away from solving those problems that naturally arise in marital relations. Constant conflicts in the family, dissatisfaction with sexual relations with his wife are also a source of cheating on men.
In the early years of marriage, it is very important to learn how to communicate with each other. At an early stage of the relationship, there was mutual understanding and a desire to hear and understand your partner. Over the years, we seem to forget how to communicate with our loved ones. And men who cheat on their wives claim that no one in the family understands that they are single. Are they able to understand their wives themselves? Love is a bonus given to us by nature to build relationships. But love is work, and it does not accept "freebies." Unfortunately, modern man does not know how to work in love.
Another common cause of husband infidelity is the midlife crisis and the maturity crisis. In men, they appear brighter and harder. Indeed, this is a dangerous time: in the relationship of the spouses, fatigue from each other has accumulated, love has been replaced by a habit, and there have been much more family problems with growing up children. The most important part of life is passed. Goals are achieved, plans are realized or rejected as impossible. The most interesting thing in life is left behind. What's up ahead? Emptiness. There is a spiritual crisis.A man is unfaithful to his wife, trying in this way to feel still young, free, and he runs away from solving the accumulated problems. Of course, all difficulties must be overcome with his wife, but she has long been a stranger to him. And then many men prefer to have a mistress, to whom he does not owe anything. If this situation is familiar to you, then read about how to survive the betrayal of her husband and save the family.
But they deceive not only the one from whom he is tired, but also the beloved woman. Why do men cheat on their beloved wife, jeopardizing the existing relationship? What are the reasons for this inconsistent behavior? It:
- the eternal desire of men to assert themselves, including in the sexual sphere. Making new relationships on the side, he increases his importance not only in the eyes of his friends, but also proves to himself that he’s still fit for something,
- high self-esteem pushes men to thoughtless and often dangerous actions,
- the desire to feel at least sometimes free from the family and tired of her problems,
- monotony of family life. And a lover is a real adventure full of new experiences,
- not indifferent to female charm. In men, the desire for conquest is pronounced. If he likes a woman, and she is not against a relationship with him, it’s hard for him to give up another adventure, because not only women love with their ears, but the strong sex is also susceptible to flattery and compliments,
- banal alcoholic intoxication,
- when the wife turned out to be a random person for him. And this is a matter of a man’s serious attitude to choosing a life partner,
- the immaturity of a man who does not know how to control himself and his primitive complexes.
How do men explain their infidelity?
Why do husbands change their wives from a male point of view? Their explanations about the novels on the side are astonishing. Everything is simple for them, and the adventure on the side has nothing to do with feelings. Just think:
- a little romance with a woman with whom he had a relationship even before meeting his wife. Well, I met my ex-girlfriend, talked and just slept with her,
- an easy adventure that means nothing to him, since the woman was indifferent to him,
- there were several meetings and in general all these are temporary hobbies,
- professional activities related to frequent business trips,
- features of male physiology and so on. And every unfaithful man has his excuses.
Explaining their adventure, most men claim that there was nothing interesting there, that it was just a little adventure. It somehow came out by itself, it just happened that way. And their love affair did not have anything to do with his wife. There was a situation when he simply could not resist. What is going on? Are men just slaves of their physiology, their hormones? Or they like to feel like conquerors of female hearts, confidently walking from one bed to another. And they, men, are sincerely surprised by the reaction of women to their deception: after all, nothing serious has happened from their point of view, and her response seems inadequate to them.
What is the reaction of the woman whom the man has changed? This is depression and confusion, misunderstanding and resentment, a dead end in marital relations. Cheating on a husband, among other things, is a powerful blow to a woman's self-esteem. A woman feels humiliated and insulted in her confidence. This causes aggression, which is then replaced by depression. What is worth experiencing a feeling of jealousy? The question arises before the woman: “What to do? How to choose a way to solve this difficult problem? ”Psychologists offer the following solutions: forgive deception, put up with the situation and leave everything as it is, develop a plan and act on it and not forgive, Which one is the best? It all depends on the state of family relationships.
If marriage has long existed on paper, it is better to get a divorce and not torment each other. At least there is an opportunity to meet a new love, to find new relationships for yourself. If this is the first break in the relationship, then it should be understood that the infidelity of the partner is already the result of the existing marital relationship, that the time has come to change yourself and communication in the family. We need a cold analysis of the situation, a calm clarification of relations and actions according to the developed plan.
Another option: to consider the reasons for betrayal and forgive. Divorce is not always the best way out of this situation. Forgive and never remind your spouse about it. But this does not mean that everything should remain unchanged.
It's time to work on yourself. Or the following option: proudly and with dignity to wear branched horns on your head. Of course, every woman chooses her own model of response to deception. But no matter what the way out of the situation, betrayal changes everything: the family, the relationship, and the spouses themselves.
Tips for loving wives
Women's love is long and patient. The cure for female passion can only be the time that separates her from her lover. But her love is able to maintain a relationship. But for this it is necessary to observe several rules from the very beginning of the relationship.
- We are all selfish. If we do something for another, we do it, first of all, for ourselves. Therefore, you need to learn unconditional love and not demand a reward for it from a loved one.
- Remembering what is good for us can be bad for a loved one. In a relationship, “good” should be for everyone. And forget about the claim: they are the worst enemy of love relationships.
- Never dissolve in love and in your beloved. In this case, we risk being alone. They love interesting, strong, self-confident women. A shabby and many times read book at best moves to hell.
Why do men cheat but prefer to stay in the family?
When a husband is unfaithful to his wife, he does not think about leaving to his mistress or casual girlfriend and considers the reaction of his wife to be excessive. Why does he stay in the family? There are reasons for this:
- passivity and male laziness to change anything. Everything is very good with him - he has a hearth, a family and another lover. And if the wife does not even know about the presence of another warm nest, then this is simply a miracle. Is it worth it to change something, build new relationships,
- fear of the future. It is unknown. The unfaithful husband does not know what awaits him if he breaks up with his wife. It is difficult to predict the reaction of close and distant relatives, and even friends, opposed by his wife against him, how to communicate with children later. The problems are quite serious. Why complicate life if all is well. Who knows what surprises await him in a new relationship.
Unfaithful husbands try to stay in the family, even when their deception becomes known to everyone. A break with his wife, leaving the family is a very serious step from the point of view of psychology. It’s easier to justify your behavior with thousands of reasons.
Kings or destroyers?
Men are like kings, who quite often find themselves in the ruins of their kingdom. They are destroyers. That is their psychology.
It is no coincidence that the commandment “Do not commit adultery!” Has existed since ancient times and remains relevant today. This is a serious warning to men: cheating is the path to health loss. Relentless statistics show that out of sixteen men who have had a heart attack, eleven are victims of campaigns on the side.
In general, treason remains treason, deceit and betrayal, no matter what verbal robes she dresses up. Not the strength of a man’s sexual drives, but the weakness of his psyche leads to betrayal of his wife. And the glorified predisposition of men to polygamy is a mixture of infantilism and cowardice, immaturity and weakness of personality. This is the inability to make serious and responsible decisions, the lack of readiness for independent action.
It is difficult for men to admit that they are aging and sooner or later will die, regardless of how many lovers they had and in what beds they were in. And a family where you are needed, where you are believed and loved by you, probably means more than a series of sexual affairs. So why do men cheat on their wives? Psychology does not give us an exact answer.
Walking from his wife will certainly be a womanizer. They are easy to figure out even before the wedding. These are men who are actively showing interest in the opposite sex: someone is seen by the treatment of women - trying to please everyone, someone says a lot, moreover, things that are “right” for ladies, someone plucks the opposite sex for soft places, etc. d. It’s impossible to re-educate a womanizer, and if you marry him and think that he will not walk from you, then you are very mistaken. True, as the psychologist notes, the womanizer rarely leaves his wife for the sake of his mistress, since they choose women that are convenient for themselves as their wife.
Womanizer women marry women who either do not notice their adventures or do not pay attention to them. Males are preferred by the following types of women: prey, gray mouse, suspicious or overly trusting woman. Thus, they provide themselves with a comfortable life: food, clean clothes, comfort, etc., and have the ability to walk “to the left”.
“Womanizer women most often do not abandon their wives only if they are not turned into mistresses by a rare bitch who begins to manipulate such a man, for which he is absolutely not ready. As a result, the man leaves the family, but also does not get along with his mistress, since they do not agree with the characters. Then the womanizer tries to return to the family, promising his wife that he will recover. But this will not happen, ”summarizes Elena Kuznetsova.
The second type is men, tired of everyday life and looking for diversity on the side. As a rule, they do not plan long relationships, but it so happens that they often have long-term relationships with their mistress, if a woman arranges them in sex, on the one hand, and on the other, does not pretend to be anything.
Extramarital affairs make, both strong men and weak-willed. However, if the former clearly control the situation and from the very beginning “build” a mistress, telling them that they will never divorce, and can only meet, for example, during a lunch break, then the latter often fall under the influence of a strong woman, and this is fraught with family collapse.
A lover who is strong in character manipulates a weak partner, forcing him to divorce his wife. She tells the man what to do and how to behave in the family. If he does not heed the advice, then she can call her husband herself and say that "her husband fell in love with another."
Intelligence reduces the risk of adultery
According to Elena Kuznetsova of enormous importance is what kind of relationship between spouses. Cheating lies in wait when the “everyday life” begins and when romance leaves the relationship, and this does not depend on how much time the couple lived together, the psychologist is convinced. It happens that the husband begins to walk even a month after the wedding, because during this time the wife manages to get it so that the man has no strength to endure anymore.
In matters of fidelity, both intellect and the social environment play a role.
“If both partners are intelligent, they are not so bored with each other, both in bed and in communication, so the risk of treason is reduced,” the family relations consultant said.
Plus, if people are brought up in a complete family, where parents respected each other, then such couples are more loyal. They are more focused on a compromise than the man or woman who grew up in an incomplete family.
Reasons for cheating
There are many reasons, and most often, they are individual: someone is stuck in everyday life, someone has a “demon in the ribs”, someone lacks adrenaline. Often, all these factors overlap.
“Treason always has a reason, it rarely happens that a man cheated just out of boredom. When you start “digging” a situation, for example, a woman’s “mismanagement” or her lack of attention to her husband or her poor grooming “crawls out,” Kuznetsova explains.
The psychologist cites a case from practice when one client, telling about his wife, described her as an ideal hostess and mother, but at the same time could not accept that during the family life the spouse became very fat, and this gave a crack in their relationship. At the same time, the man could not tell his wife about the true reason for their discord, because he did not want to offend her.
Who is chosen as a lover
Most often, men opt for women who are the opposite of a wife. If the wife is a gray mouse, then the choice falls on the bright woman, if she is ownerless, then they choose the lady who, for example, cooks well ... Professional womanizer candidates do not particularly bother, any woman will fit them to the left, if only she is do not mind.
Secret becomes apparent
It is impossible to give universal advice to women who have learned about her husband’s infidelity: is it worth it to remain silent and try to change herself, or do I need to make a scandal for the faithful, and to break the hair of a loveless woman? Much depends on the situation, and on the temperament of a woman.
If the wife nevertheless decides to inform her husband that she knows about his adventures, she puts him before a choice, and then it is up to the man to decide with whom he will stay. A normal spouse who wants to save the family is likely to try to convince his wife that he is faithful to her and stay with her.
It often happens that a man is left alone after such a scandal. He leaves his wife, but does not get along with his mistress, because before they had only sex, and now they also have a new life together, which the man is forced to get used to. He does not always succeed in this, and he tries to return to his wife.
Elena Kuznetsova advises spouses to accept the guilty husband back, but at the same time analyze their behavior in order to try to become what he wants to see her. Well, in the future it is better to control the husband’s behavior.
If a man suddenly began to constantly get annoyed and frustrate his wife, then this is one of the signs that he started an affair on the side. Of course, the cause of this condition can be trouble at work or health problems. But if you know for sure that it’s not about them, then your lover is involved.
Do not rush to despair, his irritability and nit-picking do not mean that he has completely stopped loving you and is going to leave his family. In fact, these are also manifestations of his guilt. He really feels guilty for treason, but he is subconsciously not ready to admit it, so he is trying to expose his wife as guilty. And with all his remarks and outbursts of irritation, he is trying to prove to himself that you are so bad, it is absolutely impossible to live with you. And so he does not change - he is not to blame. Such is complacency.
Do all men change
The hypothesis that all husbands are cheating on wives is widely known in society. Womanizer women fully confirm this statement: for them, sex is a form of addiction, no moral laws stop them on their way to the goal. Other men can change, but this does not mean that they will definitely do it. According to statistics, up to 75% of men at least once in their life violated marital fidelity. The frequency of betrayal is very individual: for someone it’s enough to go to the side 1 time and then experience moral torment for the rest of your life, someone “goes on business trips” regularly every two weeks, some need even a few times a day. The facts of the so-called “shift families” are known, that is, a month a man lives in one family, a month in another.
The desire to prove to myself and friends "what a cool lover I am"
The reasons for the husband's betrayal may be the following selfish motives:
- To amuse your ego, to feel superior.
Read more about ego and egoism in detail on the next page here.
- Satisfy your libido.
- From early childhood there was a lack of female attention. And now, when the man found out that you could always have attention, you just need to do something, the man starts into the unknown.
- Because of the desire to assert oneself in front of friends, get their approval, so they told him: “Wow! Probably fried ?! Wow, man! ”
- He wants to prove to himself that he is capable of owning other women.
After all, he had never been given this before.
- Friends of the husband are single and they always have something to tell about their adventures. The husband also decided that it was time to brag about something and went to the left.
That is the reason for boasting to friends.
Also is not an absolute sign. But in the absence of other apparent reasons, the husband’s sudden confined behavior means that he has begun to cheat on his wife.
Closure and alienation may indicate that a man is very worried and repents of his infidelity. Although it is still not a fact that he will not continue to change - as they say: the mice cried, pricked, but continued to eat the cactus.
But often this behavior means that he is very passionate about another woman, and the former family became a heavy burden for him. It is possible that at those moments when he sits sadly in an armchair and looks at the wall, the man is seriously considering whether it is time to get a divorce.
12. The woman stopped caring and taking care of herself
Because the husband has already subdued his wife and won her heart. Now there’s nobody to conquer.
The wife relaxes, and this is what happens to her:
- Years later, the wife ceases to monitor her figure, she is already satisfied with a thick belly.
- Now she does not dress as beautifully as before, she wears a kitchen dressing gown and hair curlers.
- A spark in her eyes, a highlight and femininity disappeared in her.
- A woman ceases to attract.
If all this happens, it is not surprising that the hot beauty from work replaced his wife in bed.
Of course, a woman does not have to always be beautiful, but she must be conscious and confident, radiate love.
In more detail about how to become more confident in a woman, we describe in the next publication.
No matter how strange it may sound, but if a man suddenly began to suspect you of tricks with others and was jealous of literally every lamppost - not long before that he had cheated on you.
Having committed adultery, he realized that your marriage is not unshakable, and since he could have an affair on the side, then his wife could too. No man, even walking right and left, does not want to be a cuckold. And even the thought of a possible betrayal of his wife is unpleasant for him. Therefore, after his first betrayal, he may begin to show special vigilance in relation to his partner - to control her meetings and contacts, be jealous, etc.
The second reason is about the same as in the paragraph on irritability. The traitor does not want to plead guilty to the situation and wants to shift the responsibility for his betrayal to his wife. Therefore, he is trying his best to find evidence of her novels, or at least flirt with others. Then he will retroactively feel that he seemed to have a moral right to treason.
13. By accident of alcohol
There is one expression that sounds like "saw the night, walked all night until the morning."
And if men walked all night until morning with alcohol and surrounded by beautiful women, then a drunk husband by the end of the evening may forget about his wife.
After all, an appetizing beauty sits on it and around is full of alcohol. Then the man changes because the man’s gaze sees only girls with a good figure, who, moreover, are not breathing evenly towards him.
Because of alcohol, he forgets about that one.
He no longer really controls his speech and actions.
Treason occurs unconsciously.
This happens both in clubs and at noisy parties, holidays and other drunken places.
This is a bad sign, because it means that the betrayal of a man is by no means random. If he suddenly became bored in your society, he doesn’t want to spend his leisure time the way you usually liked to do, then, apparently, he is seriously in love with another woman.
If he shows signs of outright boredom when you spend time together (especially, doing things that have always been of interest to both of you), then he has become much more interested in the society of another person. And so, being away from her, he misses and languishes, he is not even interested in his previous hobbies and entertainments.
Video from the guru
In the next video, the dilemma of why the husband cheats and does not leave the family and the wife is discussed. In his opinion, this is due to a lack of love. Look at all the pitfalls in this video.
What is the relationship between a guy and a girl without quarrels in complete understanding and trust, how to solve grinding in a new article.
What women like men scorpions - complete and detailed revelations from scorpions.
Video tutorials on how to kiss a tongue right with a girl and a guy are step-by-step and cool instructions.
Can a husband stop cheating
Women who are faced with cheating on her husband are interested in the question: “Can a man change and become a faithful family man?”. Much depends on the cause of the betrayal, the nature of the man, the reaction of his wife and many other factors. In the case when the husband belongs to the category of womanizer, infidelity will be repeated regularly, despite the oath of assurances and promises of the spouse. If a man is not enough for a wife, and he feels the need not for another, but for a second woman, then the search for the “second” will continue indefinitely.
In case of spontaneous violation of marital fidelity, there may be 2 options for the development of events:
- A man realizes the immorality of his act and will be an exemplary family man, experiencing moral torment for betrayal,
- A husband may like to cheat on his wife, especially if the fact of infidelity remains unnoticed, "campaigns on the side" will continue until the unsightly truth crawls out.
On the wings of Love
If a man is seriously captured by new feelings, or if he is simply so cynical that he does not feel the pain of conscience and does not try to pretend to be his wife, he may look frankly in love.
In such cases, wives usually do not believe that the husband started an affair on the side, although his behavior changes quite dramatically. He literally flies on the wings of love, everything is glowing, full of energy and good mood. He can also bombard his wife with compliments and presents: partly to calm his conscience, partly simply because of his wonderful mood.
Do not rush to rejoice that you have a new honeymoon. Perhaps just the opposite, the man outlined an imminent divorce. Pay attention to other signs, and especially to phrases that betray the husband's infidelity.
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Why does the husband say nothing and remain in the family
Let us close once and for all the question of why men cheat on their wives, but do not leave them. The most common are the following reasons:
- He does not need all this mess with the division of property.
- He does not want to pay child support all his life if he has a child.
- He does not want to go to court and fill out all these papers.
- He does not want to break the family idyll.
- The husband wants the child to grow up with his father.
- He does not need quarrels and scandals.
- He has a family hearth, where there is security, harmony, food and sleep. Why break it?
- He is so good and cool when you can sleep with two girls.
- He is satisfied with the current state of affairs.
Whose fault is this and how to solve the problem
It should be understood that both partners are to blame for treason. You decide what to do next.
But so that betrayal does not happen, the wife should be aware of the following things:
- She can be both a lover and a wife at the same time..
- A wife can play several roles simultaneously, and there will be no betrayal.
- Wives just don't have the right behavior mistresses, where she will delight her husband.
All this will help to avoid cheating and have a happy and harmonious family.
Why is betrayal necessarily associated with a lack of pastime in bed?
Still, the low self-esteem of her husband can push him to exploits on the side.
The reason for the betrayal is that one partner is growing, and the other simply does not grow morally and spiritually.
If a person does not have a higher education, then another will not be interested in him.
They have different levels of thinking and understanding.
As for higher education, I do not agree.
If a person has finished something, this still does not mean anything.
I met beautiful, wise and independent people without a higher education.
Much more important is internal harmony with oneself, an understanding of oneself and the world, awareness.
The wife is a young beauty, he is handsome. It seems to be a perfect couple, handsome little baby boy.
But, he has a lover older than him by 7 years.
He says that he loves his wife, does not want to leave, but his mistress is jealous of everyone, does not let go. What is wrong here?
It may not be about beauty? Maybe something is missing in bed?
The girl on the side can be ugly, but if, unlike the wife, she makes him feel like a man, then he certainly will not let go of that.
Or he just can’t stand the brain there 🙂
In general, due to intimacy, a woman can very much tie a man. So much so that he simply does not want to look at others, he will simply be full.
It is likely that his wife is a log in bed. Or does not give him in bed everything he wants.
Another option is also possible. The husband is still very young, early marriage and all things. Put on the ring too soon.
And then, knowing a woman on the side, he realized that the soul was asking for debauchery and had not yet walked up.
I know an example when the wife lived almost all her life in the city and went to work, and the husband built the country house alone, and his mother raised children in the summer at the dacha. Then the mother left, the children grew up. He was left alone and now complains to everyone that his wife often did not want to sleep with him, because of this he changed his lovers. And those also offended him, because they felt offended. As a result, neither children, nor wife, nor mistresses are now needed. And who is to blame?
Why can a man change, despite the fact that there are no scandals or quarrels?
In bed, too, everything is in order.
And there was a lot of love.
They spoke on all topics ...
Just a great relationship, but ...
I thought that my husband and I were doing fine - a family idyll, both in relationships and in bed.
But he constantly sits on dating sites.
We quarrel, he will be deleted, and then after a while he is registered on another.
And so it was not counted. I don’t swear anymore, I explain how painful it is.
He agrees and after a while again correspondence with other girls.
I feel sorry for you. Highly. There is no answer to this question. It’s good for your husband, but you don’t. You are not well. And, moreover, he doesn’t care what is bad for you.
You know, men are very similar to dogs - dogs. And you grew up in fairy tales, where there is eternal love. Therefore it’s so hard. And it can’t be easy anymore. It’s also sad. And I understand you.
Remember - what about dogs? As soon as other males appear around, the leader begins to prove to everyone his primacy and significance. Only in any other way.
It is impossible to explain or talk calmly. You need to constantly prove and show that everyone around you wants you to constantly want your regular partner.
Here are just women who are in harmony with themselves and for whom it is a dishonest game, and they do not want to prove anything to anyone, and they do not need to flirt with others, strangers, to feel something there, it is difficult for them. They will ask the questions you ask.
And everything is really very simple. You are good, but your partner ...
What is a dating site? This is a dating site. What are they doing there? Get to know each other. For what purpose? Establish a relationship with someone you meet.
When your husband begins a relationship with someone he meets, will you explain to him that it’s wrong and it hurts? When your husband meets someone and begins a relationship, you will not know about it. You will think that he is at work or somewhere on business. And at this time he will give energy, which was supposed to be intended for you - another woman.
What to do? Pour out old tea. Pour a new one. Have a new tea. There will be nothing good. If there are no children, save yourself.
If there are children and the desire to save the family - there is another solution - this is total tight control. Keep the dog on a leash. All the evenings and weekends he should spend with you and entertain you. There are no other tips and solutions.
There is such a rule. When they run away from you (I'm talking about my husband on dating sites), you need to run in the opposite direction.
Total control will cause irritation and anger on his part. And you be a mystery to him, linger somewhere in the evening, let him be a little jealous, it is not necessary to change.
He won you. And a man is a hunter in life.
The most stupid and terrible advice of all that can be given. The advice of a person who does not understand relationships.
So you can and say goodbye to a person forever. Play with fire, woman. I threw my ex just for the same stupid games.
Vanya, what would you advise then? What is the right behavior of a woman? Tolerate? To leave?
Girls, my husband also cheated on me. I found out quickly. At first she screamed, even hit. He asked for forgiveness, I packed his things and said “Go to her”, he did not leave.
And then I looked at myself in the mirror and thought that I just forgot myself. Not combed, not made up, in an old dressing gown ... Without thinking twice, I fixed all the flaws, bought a dressing gown and put on a passionate shirt. The husband, seeing me, was stunned, began to pester me again, what kind of mistress they say. We had such a night, and we have been married for 10 years, as if we had just met. After we calmly talked, he expressed his grievances to me that I began to devote little time to him, I gave him my grievances.
You know, girls, in some cases, cheating is still a call to you that you forget about yourself in the family. And the husband wants to admire you. Therefore, if your husband cheated on you and kneels in front of you and asks for forgiveness with tears, then he probably still loves you, and his betrayal is a cry for you to change something in family relationships.
I also cheated on my wife. I met my future mistress at work. Then I was 26, and she was 19, and six months as I registered and was married. The wife was pregnant with her first child, and it is clear that there was no intimacy. I loved my husband and didn’t even part in my thoughts, but my new acquaintance sunk into my soul so much that I tried to see her for any reason. A charge of energy came from her, her eyes always shone with some kind of sparkle, and there was always a smile on her face. I just didn’t want to leave her eyes. At work, there was an occasion to celebrate one significant date. I invited my new friend and we spent the night together. Then new meetings and walks in the evenings followed. When he took her hand, I was just overwhelmed. And with every kiss she melted like snow in his hand. I told my wife that I’m going to work, that I’m having to do some work, that they are throwing from shift to shift at work. There were no suspicions. I understood that it was impossible to live with lies any further and decided that I would tell the whole truth to my new friend (she did not know that I was married). But at a meeting with her hesitated to say, realizing that then I would not see her again. I gave birth to a wife, I began to sleep separately with the child, I slept alone, there wasn’t any intimacy, but I didn’t seem offended, because the child was small. Our relations were good at the same time, but nevertheless sometimes it came to me in the evenings, and again work in the morning. In addition to the main work, I had an unofficial job, so I came home late in the evening. The wife and child were already sleeping, and so it went. Proximity to his wife could be 1 time per month, 2 - this is rare. Could be 1 time in 2, or even 3 months. 10 years passed, the wife became pregnant with a second child, gave birth, now she sleeps with a second. I met a secret friend for 9 years, I could not leave, and she, except me, did not meet with anyone.They swore and reconciled again, but nevertheless one quarrel parted us, although they could make up. I endured and didn’t go to her again, realizing that if I went, then everything would continue. Spouse during the second pregnancy found out everything! Good people notified. She roared for 2 days and almost certainly did not talk for a week, only on business, if necessary. Then she said that, probably, she also had a mistake in this, forgiven. We live on, everything is fine. I myself will never leave my family. Now I am a little over forty, I also sleep alone, since the youngest is still small. There was no stormy night with his wife this year. But I'm honest now! Although, maybe someone will say that a fool.
You know what I'll tell you. I have three children. During all the pregnancies, feeding and growth of children, I never left my husband’s bed. There were fatigue, lack of sleep, and so on, but this is not an obstacle to making love with your spouse. On the contrary, this is a medicine that gave me strength. But this was not always the case: I was shy, afraid to appear, did not know what it means to spend time in bed with a man. So there is a problem with your wife. This is either the absence of love, or the presence of a hidden complex.
How to act for his wife
Cheating on a man always inflicts a strong blow to his wife, and indeed to the whole family. Further actions of the spouse depend on what prospect she sees before herself: to preserve the family or go on the occasion of her pride and allow her husband to leave. In a family with children, the wife cannot think only of her comfort, she is aware of the full responsibility of her act:
- separation of parents causes great trauma to children,
- after the family breaks up, the mother and children will lose their usual material wealth,
- communication with his father and his participation in raising children will be greatly reduced,
- a wife may lose her social status and importance,
- society treats divorced women far from enthusiastically.
That is, before deciding on a divorce, spouses, most of all the wife, need to carefully weigh the pros and cons.
Is treason a reason for divorce?
To save the family, the wife:
- First of all, he pulls himself together and calmly talks with her husband, trying to find out the reasons for what happened.
- Together with her husband, he analyzes the situation in the family. At this stage, the help of a qualified professional is simply necessary.
- He shows a sincere interest in the affairs and hobbies of the spouse.
- He carefully cares about his appearance: going to a beauty salon, exercising in the gym, replacing a wardrobe.
- Leads an active lifestyle: does not refuse to meet with friends, attends a movie, theater, and so on. At the same time, a significant part of household chores and parenting is passed on to her husband.
- It provokes the husband to jealousy: folk psychology believes that this is the most effective way to return the husband to the family. Many husbands visiting a mistress do not even intend to live with another woman, perceive their wife as something permanent, mundane, not changing under any circumstances. Therefore, changes in the behavior of the wife and her happy return home make her husband pay attention to his soul mate and return to the bosom of the family.
It happens that some women, having kept their family, still cannot forgive the adultery to their husband and all the time experience psychological discomfort. Especially if the husband considers himself a kind of "benefactor", humiliates the spouse, undermines her maternal authority in children, avenges that he has not left the family. Psychologists recommend that a woman does not trap herself and, without waiting for the children to come of age, get divorced and build her life without a cheating husband. The threat of divorce, or the departure of a wife and children, sometimes makes an unfaithful husband change his behavior, overestimate his life values, and return to his family. There are few such cases, but they are. Even if such a revision of values does not happen, then psychological comfort without a traitor will be more beneficial for a woman and her children.
Thus, almost 2/3 of families face male infidelity. Some of them remain, the spouses agree on further coexistence that is comfortable for everyone. Part - breaks up, former satellites build relationships with other halves. Another part of marriages is also preserved, but there is no longer a favorable family microclimate in the family: trust has been lost, there is no mutual understanding and only the outer shell remains from the happy cell of society. The worst thing in such marriages is for children. The existence in the world of constant mutual parental reproaches is harmful to their psyche, in addition, children do not see the right model of family relationships.