Each mother loves her child and does not want to let go of herself for a minute. Especially if he is the first or "succeeded" with difficulty. Moms often love their children more than dads and are ready to sacrifice everything for them - from a normal dream to a husband.
But is it worth sacrificing your own and father's comfort, leaving the baby to sleep in a common bed? At what age does it make sense for both parents to sleep badly? When is it time for the baby to be relocated to private apartments? How easy and without unnecessary tantrums to teach a child to fall asleep on his own in a bed at 1, 2, or 3 years old? We will try to answer all the questions!
Pros and cons of sleeping with parents
The world is somehow arranged so that psychologists worry about the mental state of children. Pediatricians worry about children's health. And for some reason no one is worried about the emotional and physical health of moms and dads, about normal marital relationships. And no one thinks that a normal and calm child will not grow up with an eternally sleepy mom, a normal and calm child offended by mom, dad.
Pitying the baby, mom does not spare herself and dad, and dad sleeps on the couch and regrets that he has gotten into it all. Catching himself on such a thought, the young dad also becomes ashamed. And a man deprived of attention and constantly feeling shame for this is worse than a child. Do you need it?
Shared sleep - the pros and cons
A joint dream with mom is biologically justified. Previously, women did not go to work, they were engaged in a family. Many centuries ago, no one even thought about where to sleep for a newborn - he was always with his mother.
With the development of civilization, the view on this has somewhat changed. - Parents understood that sex is needed not only for procreation, but also on its own, and in the morning, dad and mom need to get up to work. It has become more convenient to lay the child separately.
Recently, many psychologists and neonatologists have argued that it is more natural for a child to sleep next to the parent. This maintains an invisible connection with her. The pluses point to a more stable emotional state of babies who sleep with their parents. However, it’s even convenient for mom - you can breastfeed at any time of the night without getting out of bed. The kid does not cry - everything that he needs is at hand.
This ends the benefit. Evgeny Komarovsky claims that this benefit is generally exaggerated. But the cons are quite tangible for everyone.
Firstly, a mother can accidentally injure a child in a dream, crush him with her own weight. This happens infrequently, it still has a place to be. Secondly, fathers who often do not have space on the family box often do not stand it. They move to a sofa or to the next room, and such a lifestyle, if it continues for a long time, most often leads to the breakup of the family, to divorce, to the deterioration of marital relations. So convincing advice of girlfriends and doctors to practice joint sleep spoiled the life of more than one family.
Mom, who is always next to the baby, sleeps “in the dark”, sensitively reacting to every movement and squeak, and therefore does not actually get enough sleep. Fatigue builds up imperceptibly. Several months of this “lack of sleep” lead to serious consequences for the physical and mental health of the parent.
A child who is used to sucking breasts at night at any time requires continued nightly feeding even after he turns 6 months old (at an age that he no longer needs to be biologically nightly fed). And therefore, mom’s timid attempts to refuse food at night lead most often to scandal, screaming.The child plucks, bangs its exhausted parent with its feet and hands and does not want to hear about anything that runs counter to its usual routine.
Whether to practice joint sleep or not is for parents only. If they are ready to sacrifice their nerves, their interests - no one forbids, if only all family members get enough sleep. If adults have their own plans for this life (in addition to raising a child), then it is better not to start sleeping with the child.
No scientist in any field of knowledge has yet been able to convincingly prove or disprove the benefits of shared sleep, which means that all the statements of psychologists that children who slept with their mother before school, are more confident, successful, calm, not true. However, the statements of opponents of the joint sleep that the nights spent in a separate bed accustom the child to independence from the diaper are also not confirmed by anything.
A separate question is at what age should stop joint sleep, if it has a place to be. Most often, pediatricians say that this should be done up to a year, since in a year and a half it will be much more difficult to transfer the child to a separate bed.
Separate sleep from birth
On the one hand, there is nothing complicated. Just put the baby to sleep in the crib. And every time to get up to him at night.
If mom is ready to get up many times during the night and this does not affect her well-being, there is probably nothing wrong with that. But we must keep in mind that the vast majority of children wake up very often.
Are you ready for such a feat? Personally, I do not. With my eldest daughter, for two whole months I was afraid of sleeping together, getting up to my child 10-20 times a night. And at one point she decided that I had enough. I began to put the baby next to me and give breasts for each squeak. That's when I began to get enough sleep.
A good video that can help teach a baby to sleep if he is less than a year old:
How to teach your baby to sleep separately from birth?
- From the very beginning put the baby in a separate crib. If you wake up in the process of shifting - try again and again until you achieve success,
- with every cry of the child at night - get up, take him in his arms, calm him down, put him back in the crib.
I will not talk about those methods when the kids are left alone to cry, accustomed to sleep without awakening. For me, such methods are unacceptable.
How to teach a child to sleep separately from mom
I began to look for information on this topic, scanned many sites and forums. As I expected, the problem of joint sleep is quite common: many mothers feed their babies on demand and often take them to their bed for night feeding. And then, when the kids get used to sleeping in the parental bed, mothers try to wean them from this.
Joint sleep up to 1-2 years
Many mothers prefer to put their children next to them until 1-2 years old. Thanks to this, they do not need to constantly jump up in the first year of life, when children's sleep is so intermittent.
In a year or two it’s still difficult for a child to explain something. Therefore, the scheme of teaching a baby to a bed is extremely simple:
- learn to fall asleep in the crib. First, we sit next to him, stroke, read books, sing songs. Then we gradually reduce our actions.
- when the child wakes up at night - we again lay him in his crib. Stroking, calming, or somehow else.
If the baby is fast asleep, you can put him to sleep where he is used to, and then put him to bed. But some children may get scared when they wake up in another place.
Another experience of a young mother:
Therefore, if the baby falls asleep only next to you, the easiest way to move him to bed is to go to bed with him for the first time, to lie nearby until the child falls asleep. When the baby wakes up at night - come to him again. And after a while - gradually learn to fall asleep on their own.
Some mothers at this age do not try to ensure that the baby sleeps in the crib all night until morning. And they let the baby come to them in the morning, sleep together.
Question to Dr. Komarovsky: How to wean from joint sleep?
In order for the child to quickly fall asleep and sleep soundly, many mothers are advised to perform certain rituals at bedtime. For example, bathing your baby in the bathroom, dressing in warm pajamas, having a massage, reading a book or singing a lullaby. This advice, of course, is good, but it works only with older children, because you can negotiate with them. But how to negotiate with a ten-month-old bootuz, when he cries, clutches his mother and tries with all his might to "escape" from the crib?
This is exactly the reaction I observed in my child every evening when I tried to put him to sleep in a crib. And I felt sorry for him, decided not to injure him or my psyche again.
I began to teach my baby to fall asleep independently, from daytime sleep. After morning or lunch feeding, when the baby began to fall asleep, I took him in my arms and, swaying lightly, quietly sang him a lullaby. When the baby fell asleep, I carefully put him in the crib. I didn’t leave right away, and for some time I sat nearby, not taking my hand away from the child, so that he felt that his mother was nearby. And only when I was sure that my baby was sleeping soundly, I removed my hand and quietly left the room. If at some point the child woke up, then I just gave him a bottle of baby tea or compote. Of course, not everything went smoothly, sometimes he began to act up, but in the end he fell asleep anyway.
Personal video greetings from Santa Claus
Over time, my baby got used to waking up not with me, but in his crib, and this ceased to cause him to cry. But if during the day he learned to sleep independently, then in the evenings to put him to bed was still problematic. It was hard for me to lay the child in my arms, so I put it next to me. But as soon as the baby began to fall asleep, I put him in the crib. If he began to cry, then I again shifted it to me, waited until he fell asleep and again sent him to the crib.
A week later, my efforts were finally successful: my baby woke up at night, ate a little, and then rolled over onto the other side and fell asleep. Myself! I think he just got used to his crib, just as he got used to mine before. Still to learn to fall asleep independently, and the problem will be completely solved.
Of course, many mothers may decide that my method is too loyal, that the child should be immediately put to bed. But what if, as soon as he is in it, the baby immediately wakes up and begins to cry? I am sure that every mother should feel her baby: to know when it is better to put the baby in the crib, and when to take it to itself, when the baby is ready to sleep on its own, and when he still needs to feel mom's warmth. I felt that my baby was ready to "move out" into his own crib, and the whole process went smoothly, without any tears and worries.
The most important thing is not to rush things, but to do everything gradually. It can take a long time for the child to get used to his own crib. Be patient, and the result will be!
Joint sleep up to 3-5 years
From my point of view, this is the best option. And the easiest one. The baby is already big. He is ready to sleep separately. Everything can be explained to him. You may be interested. And accustoming to the crib is very often very easy.
The first step is to create hype around the crib. For some time, pay attention to the child, as big children sleep in their beds, give examples of friends, characters from fairy tales. Together, choose a new baby crib.But promise to buy only when it is very large (after the next birthday or some special day, after he does something special, he will learn to count to 20, etc.). That is, to sleep in your own bed is a special honor, the highest reward. It is prestigious, cool, attractive.
As a rule, children aged 3-5 years old want to be big. And such ideas are perceived with a bang. The main thing is not to rush things.
Then you solemnly buy a crib. If the baby never fell asleep without you, help him fall asleep there. At night, you can recall that he is now large and can sleep in bed. Etc. It is done.
If the bed is already standing, we also gradually tell how all the big children sleep in cribs. We doubt that our baby has already become so big. But at some point we are allowed to sleep there.
Some children can simply promise something good if they prove their maturity by sleeping in bed 10 days in a row. It worked for us with ease.
I taught my daughter to sleep in her crib at 4 years old. The bed was long and small enough. Sometimes I put my daughter to sleep there under the pretext of “Come on, you'll be in the bed, and I will read you a book / have a massage.” But since I did not behave very competently, the attitude to the bed was negative. At night, the daughter always returned to us.
When my daughter was 4 years old, I realized that she was ready to sleep separately. And since we still needed to buy a new bed, I decided to go the next way.
From time to time I drew my daughter's attention that her older friends sleep in beds. She saw their beds at a party. And I wanted the same.
Not a problem! I promised her that we will buy a beautiful crib when my daughter learns to sleep herself. Otherwise - why buy? They only buy beds for those who sleep themselves!
In addition, I taught my daughter to fall asleep without me. Again, first looked on the Internet pictures of cribs. We chose the right one, admired. And I said that for this Lisa needs to fall asleep herself.
All. Since then, Lisa has been sleeping alone. Never comes to us at night. Already 4 months.
A couple of years ago, I was afraid that I would have to learn to sleep separately through tears, with great difficulty. I was ready to go through any work, for me it’s better to sleep calmly for 4 years and only suffer a month with relocation. Than from birth to jump and ride at night.
So, to wean from sharing sleep, I did not need to make any effort. Only show the daughter’s friends on the bed a few times and promise a new bed. Which I was already going to buy.
The youngest son has been sleeping with us since birth. And I also plan to leave a joint dream for years 3-4. And then it will be easy to attract him with the idea of sleeping alone, like his older sister. And now he really wants to sleep in his sister's place. But now I myself am not ready for such a turn of events, since breastfeeding has not yet been completed. And get up at night. I have no such desire.
For me, sleeping together is an opportunity to sleep at night, almost never get up. Someone complains that sleeping is so crowded. For this, I can only advise you to buy a wide sofa. Instead of spending money on baby cots, it’s better to buy a cheap wide sofa! Cheap - so as not to cry every time the baby describes him (day or night). Or - draw with a ballpoint pen.
Sleeping together helps your baby feel safe. And mom helps to feel the baby. This is only a few years of life. Which can be maximally filled with warmth and proximity to the baby. When the child is ready, he easily begins to sleep separately. And it even becomes a pity that the kids grow up so quickly.
Good videos about the sound sleep of children from a specialist - look here.
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How to wean sleep with parents?
If it so happened that the baby was used to sleeping with his parents, then mom and dad will have to be patient and collect their will in a fist to wean him from sleeping together. Evgeny Komarovsky recommends acting decisively. A baby bed must be placed next to an adult. The child’s bed should be placed as close to the parental bed as possible. When it is time to go to bed, the child is placed in a crib. The task of parents is to physically suppress attempts by a child to get out of it and move to its usual place by any means.
Usually children in their desires are very persistent, warns Yevgeny Komarovsky. Nothing unusual will happen if the child first tries to get out of the crib for one and a half to two hours, until he gets tired and falls asleep. And he will fall asleep, because this is a physiological need caused by nature. The main thing is to be patient and not to deviate from the plan, no matter how plaintively the aching child aches.
The next day, the protest rally will be shorter, and in a week - if the child fights at bedtime for bed, then not for long (5-10 minutes). It is very important not to change your parental decision, then the child will quickly understand that this is a new reality with which to reconcile.
Change your plans for independence at night is not worth it even if the child manages to fall ill this week. Once you take it to your bed, as the whole process will have to start all over again, only this time the baby will be increasingly insistent and stubbornly demand to return it to its place.
How to teach yourself to fall asleep?
Parents who are determined to send their baby to sleep separately may face another problem - sleep disturbance. If earlier after the evening feeding the child quietly fell asleep next to his parents, then in his own crib the baby can toil for a long time, get tired, cry, then sleep longer, skip morning feeding, and get the time for daily sleep during the day. As a result, the regimen of the baby’s day will begin to change (not always for the better for parents).
To teach a child to quickly fall asleep on their own, says Yevgeny Komarovsky, mom and dad will need no more than 3 days. Prepare a few bottles of valerian (for yourself) and Spartan calm.
Falling asleep will be fast and stable if the child is tired. Even if half the night the baby protested against the crib, shouted and asked his parents, and fell sound asleep in the morning, Komarovsky advises to awaken the rebel at 6-7 in the morning. No matter how pathetic it is, you need to wake up the baby and entertain him until 10-11 hours, until the baby gets tired so much that he himself will quietly fall asleep in his bed, without persuasion, motion sickness and songs. He should be given no more than one and a half hours of sleep, after which he will again have to mercilessly wake up and walk, entertain another 3-4 hours.
In the evening, the penultimate feeding should be small so that the baby remains half-starved. After a massage and a cool bath, you can give him more to eat. Then a tired and fed up baby with a high degree of probability will quickly fall asleep and will sleep calmly and soundly all night.
To facilitate the process of transferring the baby to its own separate sleeping place, all daily procedures should be performed in a strictly defined sequence. Food, classes, massage, gymnastics, swimming, games, walks - everything should be in order, which is strictly observed day after day.
A joint sleep with parents has a lot of minuses:
- Not enough space. A tiny little body in a dream takes up a lot of space. And about 8 months still pushes, freeing up territory.
- Sensitive maternal dream. Even the most tired mother will wake up at the slightest movement of the baby. And so all night.
- Wooden limbs. In a normal situation, the human body changes posture up to 20 times during the night. When mom sleeps with her baby, she does not change her position.The body does not rest, the brain is tense, holding the body in one position. Even if you overslept already! 4 hours, it’s a great success with the baby, you do not feel rest, but that you were lying under the paver.
- Problems in older age. Shaking a 10-15 kilogram baby, you tear your arms and back. After 10 years, it will come back to you. Complete with chronic insomnia.
- Hygiene and health. Dads go to work, get in touch with people and bring viruses home. Moms go shopping and do a pretty good job too. And do you want the child to sleep in an increased level of pathogenic microflora? Neither you nor he will sleep next night - the baby will surely become infected.
However, joint sleep has indisputable advantages:
- Intimacy with mom. She is vital for babies. Especially if the mother goes to work early and in the afternoon, the baby has a deficit of mother's attention and love.
- Night feedings. If the mother is breastfeeding and the baby is sleeping with her, you do not need to get up to feed the baby in the middle of the night.
- Golden childhood dream. Babies, especially babies, sleep much stronger, feeling mom's warmth.
- Prolactin. This is such a hormone, thanks to which mom has milk in her breast. It is produced at night, a relatively calm sleep and the proximity of the baby contribute to this.
There are several key points that will help solve problems with the baby’s sleep, as well as become a salvation for parents during the transfer of crumbs to their own crib:
- The child does not have to be transferred to a cribif he is used to sleeping in it from birth. A baby at the age of several days does not resist a separate sleep, this should be used on time.
- The kid should not be taught to fall asleep in his arms. He must understand that hands are contact, communication, play, food, but not a dream. Sleep laid in the crib. If the peanut learns this from birth, then you don’t have to change anything later.
- The correct microclimate contributes to easy falling asleepthat parents must create in the bedroom: air temperature - 18-20 degrees. If it seems that it is cold, then it is better to dress the child warmer, but do not need to raise the temperature of the surrounding air. Humidity also matters - optimally if it is at a level of 50-70%. Before bed, the room must be ventilated.
- The child sleeps soundly, if he is comfortable in the crib. The mattress should be rigid, hypoallergenic, preferably orthopedic. Pillow for children under 2 years old is not needed. Baby bedding and pajamas should be created from natural fabrics, without textile dyes.
About how to teach a child to crib, will tell Dr. Evgeny Komarovsky in the next video.
When it’s time for a child to sleep separately
Sleeping together, especially in the first six months of a baby’s life, benefits everyone. There is no need to teach babies to sleep in a separate bed. When it is convenient for him and mother, there are no threats to health, life, joint sleep is only welcome. Up to a year, there is a high risk of sudden childhood death, so parents need to protect the child's berth.
- An infant at 1 month of age constantly wakes up at night to get enough of breast milk. It’s not easy for a woman to get up every time, lift the baby out of bed, give breasts and lay it again,
- the greatest volume of prolactin (the hormonal substance responsible for milk production) begins to be produced at night. Lack of sleep, resulting from the constant motion sickness of crumbs at night, negatively affects the volume and quality of the breast secret,
- bodily contact of the mother and the newborn allows you to combine biological rhythms. Therefore, when the mother and the baby fall asleep together, they rest together: after applying to the breast, the child is quietly asleep, therefore, the parent also falls asleep.
The effect of joint sleep in the first months of life on the emotional connection between mom and baby
What can mom be so afraid of? Observations show that the absence of “near by” the baby at night is the cause of the parent's frequent anxiety. This is due to poor control over the condition of the newborn.
Mom is often forced to wake up, check the calm and well-being of a child sleeping a few meters away. Sleep in the first months is a prerequisite, and is an important event. Yesterday, the baby was in the womb for 9 long months, was one with her, was very sensitive to any changes in health and the environment.
Such a close emotional and physical connection should not be broken abruptly. In the first year of life, a so-called “basic trust” in the world is formed in a human baby. It consists in the fact that the youngest member of the family, living in a comfortable environment, concludes for themselves that living is good. And if there are problems (characteristic of an infant under the age of one year - hunger, cold, etc.), then mom will immediately rectify the situation.
Such a conclusion is necessary for the correct formation of the emotional health of a person, and this is the responsibility of the mother, who is always nearby. Is it worth talking about the level of emotional connection that arises between them this year?
This opinion is shared by a large number of perinatal psychologists. However, such conclusions are not unambiguously confirmed, and it is impossible to advise on the basis of such judgments the practice of joint sleep. This opinion is shared by the famous TV presenter, pediatrician, Ph.D. E.O. Komarovsky. Look in the video for his detailed answer to this question:
From what age to teach a child to sleep in a crib
For a normal psyche, the child needs everything in the house to be fine. And for this we need normal, full-fledged parental relationships and a healthy sleep for the whole family. Sooner or later, the moment comes when the child is "evicted" from the parent's bed. The question is when is it more appropriate to do this:
- Since birth. If you want to get by with little blood, teach yourself and your child to sleep separately from the very first days. It is better to sleep for 2 hours and get up at the first call to the crib than to sleep 4 hours and wake up with a robot.
- From 6-8 months. This is the opinion of most psychologists. A child at this age does not wake up more than 1-2 times per night, and the “artificers” can oversleep from 11 a.m. to 6 a.m. In addition, at this age, the baby most quickly gets used to the new environment.
- Since 2 years. This is the opinion of some psychologists, and “baby-dependent” mothers who themselves do not want to let the baby go to their private apartments. There is one healthy plus relocation at this age - you can try to negotiate with the baby.
When is the baby ready for its own crib?
If a baby is used to sleeping with his mother from birth, then it will be much more difficult to develop the habit of falling asleep in a crib and getting comfortable in a new place.
According to experts who are accustomed to sleeping with their parents since the birth of their babies, they should be accustomed from 6-8 months, since feeding at night ceases, and the baby can sleep peacefully during the night.
At this stage, the child begins to roll over on his own, he is quite agile in his movements, he has already developed certain motor skills, and this process does not need to be controlled.
If the baby is not used to sleeping separately by 8 months, do not despair, at any age you can develop this habit, you need to show consistency and some hardness. If the baby is laid in a crib, and the next time the parents again allow them to sleep with themselves, then this “technique” forms perplexity in the child.
Compliance with certain necessary conditions is necessary in order to find out withusing what methods and how to teach a child to sleep in his crib:
- Night feeding is stopped or the baby is fed once at night,
- Night sleep lasts about six hours,
- The first teeth appeared, and this process no longer worries the child, How to teach a child to 1 year old to fall asleep on his own
Convenient age for resettlement
A newborn baby sleeps without problems on his own, provided that he is full and comfortable. Then the need for mom's presence increases. She is able to satisfy any desires. Therefore, it is convenient to sleep with the baby. Then he grows, learns the world around him, his interests change. Every day is filled with new emotions, impressions, new fears appear. Experiences are reflected in the psycho-emotional state of the baby, on the quality of sleep. The presence of a mother will facilitate the experience, create feelings of comfort, security. The more time a small person spends next to his parents, the better for him, his development.
Mom sleeps with a baby
After 1.5 years, children can experience, experience new fears: loneliness, darkness. If this happens, it is better not to drive the child out of the parent's bed. Wait until this period ends, the baby will be able to fall asleep on their own, without fear. At the age of 2.5, children become less dependent on their parents. They want to have their own space. Usually they ask themselves, go to their bed. For some, this happens earlier. There are children who, from birth, sleep in their bed without problems.
At the age of 2-3 years, many without worries move to their own bed. This is necessary for the development of correct self-esteem, the individuality of the child. The presence of personal space, rooms, beds is the basis for the development of a harmonious personality. The age of 2-3 years is the best time to move to your bed.
- a child at 4 months old only seems small, on the parent's bed it can take up quite a lot of space. Father finds himself in such a situation "third odd", so he is forced to move to the sofa. Naturally, this affects the intimate side of the life of spouses,
- if a child at 2 years old does not want to sleep in his bed, then accustoming him to a personal sleeping place is extremely difficult. In addition, there is often a “split” of the family on this issue, when the father seeks to send the baby to a separate bed, and the mother, who pities her beloved baby, wants to delay the moment of “separation”,
- children's hygiene is more serious, so that any infection can increase its effect in a closed bed environment. In addition, if dad smokes, then the baby may even have allergic reactions to nicotine,
- very rarely, but tragedies still happen when a tired mother crushes a baby who is sleeping near her. Of course, such situations are rare, but you should not forget about them and should not go to bed tired with the child either.
From the point of view of psychologists, children who slept in their parents' beds in infancy are more dependent on their mother and father. However, strong attachment is noted at an early age, then, if there is no excessive guardianship in the upbringing, relations normalize.
The importance of quality and long vacations
Sleep is the time when our body regains strength from the daily difficulties experienced.
The older the person, the longer the normal, adequate sleep decreases. This happens to adulthood. Some may think that babies have no reason to be tired, because they lie almost all day. This is fundamentally wrong opinion. An adult spends about 1500 Kcal only to maintain the body's natural processes.
A newborn grows from the first moments of his life. Huge energy reserves go to the physical development of the body - the growth of bones, organs, brain development. At the same time, sleep 20 hours a day - the norm.
Closer to a year old, the duration of rest will decrease, but will remain at a fairly high level - about 14 hours. The goal pursued by nature alone is the full, high-quality development of a healthy children's body.
1-4 weeks old baby
During this period, the baby does not need to be trained. It is necessary to develop ways to quickly and easily fall asleep baby.
What methods will help normalize the sleep of a baby of this age:
- The baby is calmed by a swaddling baby. Fresh, not tightly stretched diapers create a comfortable feeling: the baby can feel at ease, the child is 2-3 months old
A baby up to a month of age must be near his mother, so at this age it’s too early to accustom to a crib. After the end of the neonatal period, from 2-3 months it is necessary to gradually wean from motion sickness. Up to one year, you need to accustom him to independent quick falling asleep.
To understand how to teach a child to sleep in his crib on his own, you need to study the mental and individual characteristics of young children, to know the biological and psychological patterns of growth and development of children.
What are the necessary conditions for an effective process of developing a baby’s habit of quickly and easily falling asleep in his bed:
- The child needs to stay awake for about an hour and a half before bedtime, in order to get tired but not overwork,
- You should not allow the baby to sleep near the chest during the day, since in the future it will be difficult to eradicate,
- You need to turn off the light in the room and turn on the lullaby so that the child understands that it is time for sleep,
- It is necessary to feed the baby and change the diaper so that nothing interferes with good sleep, Spock's Sleep Technique
The well-known children's doctor Benjamin Spock created a technique for self-falling asleep of a child under 1 year old. Each mother herself decides how to teach her baby to sleep in her crib, whether to use this rather controversial method or to choose another way of laying the baby.
The technique involves leaving the child alone in the room and returning to him after a period of time. Moreover, the duration of the absence of mother increases each subsequent time during the day and each subsequent day by two minutes.
For example, if on the first day, when the baby fell asleep for the first time, the mother was absent for a minute, then when she falls asleep for the second time, 3 minutes will be absent, and on the third and subsequent ones, 5 minutes.
On the second day, respectively, the first falling asleep will be accompanied by the absence of a mother lasting three minutes, the second - five, the third and subsequent - seven minutes. In the same way, the weekly regimen of self-falling asleep is calculated.
If in the process of falling asleep the baby is crying, mother should come up for the first time after a minute, calm and leave. If the baby cries again, mother comes up after three minutes.
To many, this technique seems unacceptable. However, she teaches the baby to fall asleep herself, and after a week positive results appear.
How to choose a suitable crib
For different ages, there are different solutions to this issue:
- Up to 2 years. Buy an extra bed. It is attached to the parent in one level by the mother. It seems like a child is with you, but it seems like in your own living space. This can be done from a regular crib by removing the front wall. Over time, between the mother, the baby is pulled on a cloth side, then the normal wall is returned and they begin to slowly move the baby's crib away from the parent's berth.
- After 2 years. At this age, the baby is already thinking. There is a high probability that if you choose a separate rookery for him together, and even a non-standard one - in the form of a car, a sun, with interesting decor, new bedding and pajamas, the baby will sleep there voluntarily, showing off his cool bed to his peers and what he already adult. Have to spend money - unusual beds are more expensive than standard ones, but your nerves and family happiness are more important.
Best time to relocate
There are other opinions regarding the age of accustoming to a particular dream. Some experts advise moving the baby into their bed immediately after birth. Ignore the protest, scream, make me sleep alone. It is believed that this is the most optimal way to lay a small person, convenient for mom and baby. She will get enough sleep, devote more time to the father of the child, the baby will grow up healthy and independent.
Baby crying in the crib
Other experts recommend starting to learn to sleep separately after the baby begins to roll, sit, crawl. When it becomes more independent, i.e. at the age of 6-8 months. It is believed that delaying this event will only complicate the situation; a child at a more conscious age will not want to sleep separately. Many people independently start to fall asleep separately a year, two without problems, tantrums.
In any case, it all depends on the child, the mood of the parents. All are different, any process requires an individual approach. The main thing is to be confident in your decision and adhere to the plan. Children feel parents' doubts, insecurity and do not understand how to behave. From here begin tears, screams, moving turns into torment.
When to teach a child to fall asleep in his crib?
The question of how to teach a newborn to a crib almost never arises among parents, because if a child is put to sleep on his own bed from the first days of his life, then there will simply not be a problem with weaning.
If the child from the moment of birth was falling asleep with his parents or mother, the weaning will be delayed. That is why it is necessary to choose an age that is most favorable from a psychological and physiological point of view.
Many experts recommend thinking about the question of how to teach a child to fall asleep in his bed, at about 6 - 8 months of age.
During this period, the number of night feedings is significantly reduced, the baby can oversleep all night without awakening. Also, at 6 months, the baby turns over without the risk of suffocation and this process does not need special control.
However, this age period is just the recommended period, since it is necessary to look at the features of the baby. Will be it’s easier to teach a child to sleep in a crib if:
- the baby is able to sleep soundly at night (the number of night awakenings is 1 - 2 times),
- natural feeding is either already stopped or the mother breastfeeds the baby three times a day,
- the baby does not cry or scream if he does not see mom and dad on waking up,
- he’s able to stay alone for a quarter of an hour,
- he seeks to push off from his parents during sleep,
- the baby was born full-term, does not suffer from chronic diseases,
- weaning from the parent's bed does not coincide with tense moments (training in potty etiquette, the birth of a brother / sister, entering a kindergarten, weaning).
Dr. Estivil's method: 7 steps to independent sleep
From a very early age, the child should be introduced to the family routine. One of the components of the general regime is the ability to sleep independently. Many parents in this matter resort to the application of the method of Professor Esteville. This method can tell moms how to teach a baby to sleep in a crib.
Estivel developed a table that shows the time intervals after which the mother approaches the baby. If the mother approached the crying baby, then the next time she should come to him after the crying baby a minute later. Then - after three minutes, and if the baby did not calm down, then every five minutes, until he falls asleep.
The sequence when using this technique will allow you to quickly teach your baby to fall asleep alone.
Graduation is the main principle
As already said - abruptly refuse to sleep together is extremely undesirable. The kid will take it negatively, it will seem to him that he was abandoned.The abruptly lost feeling of a parent next to him can lead to serious consequences.
Night fright can lead to the need to visit a neurologist in the future.
Therefore, it is simply necessary to know how important it is to teach a baby to sleep in a crib gradually and slowly.
In the first stages, you can simulate a "separate" finding by placing the bed side by side with the bed of the parents. So the child will be nearby, in quick access, under control, but already within the walls of his bed.
Over time, the crib should be set aside for a greater distance, but within the same room. Once ready, the crib can be moved to a separate room. But you can in no case be detached from the child emotionally, referring to his alleged independence. He must always hear his parents and understand that they are nearby.
How to teach a baby to fall asleep in a crib
If you have been laying in his rightful place since the birth of a sleeping child, the question of how to teach your baby to sleep in a crib is not worth it. The child sleeps there by default, for him this is the normal order of things. If not, please be patient.
First, teach your child to fall asleep on their own, without long motion sickness, at a certain time. If the baby begins to fall asleep next to you, shift it sleepy to the crib, sit next to it for a bit. Asleep - it's time for you to go to bed. After a week, the baby will calmly fall asleep himself, already lying in the crib, if only mom would sit next to her and read a fairy tale.
If the baby wakes up as soon as he is left, show firmness. Do not run to him at the first call, wait a minute, and then go. Calm the poor fellow, put to bed in a bed. Crying again? Wait 2 minutes, repeat the manipulation. Every time for a minute, increase its waiting time. 7 nights run around, and the problem will be resolved, according to the method of Ferber-Estville-Spock.
Important! The technique is quite tough, you will need all your composure and patience. We decided to evict the baby in the crib - go to the end, otherwise it will be worse then, and the problem of your indecision will affect not only a separate dream!
Causes of unwillingness to sleep separately
The child does not want to sleep alone, perhaps because he is simply used to feeling his mother nearby, her warmth and smell. So he feels comfort, relaxes. If the baby slept with his parents for a long time, he perceives their bed as his own.
If the baby is breastfed (gu), then it can be very attached to her mother because of this. Milk and sucking are associated with sleep, in another way he cannot calm down, relax. Waking up at night, looking for mom and easily falls asleep under the breast. It is necessary to break the connection of guards with sleep, to propose another association, a way of going to sleep.
A one-year-old baby can already learn to fall asleep on its own. This also applies to sudden awakenings in the middle of the night, when a child had a dream, or he woke up from a noise. It is possible that he no longer feels the need for mother's milk, but asks him out of habit, uses it as a reassurance.
Note! A small person may not have enough communication with parents during the day, attention, touch. Sleeping for kids seems like another separation, so they worry and strive for their mother’s bed. If you take time for the child before going to bed, without being distracted and without switching attention, the baby will more easily suffer the absence of parents next night.
It is recommended to use rituals for falling asleep. This is swimming, relaxing games, reading fairy tales, listening to audio recordings. All these activities should be combined so that the baby feels parental love, affection. Games need to come up with quiet, so that the child is not overexcited, there are no problems with going to bed. It is better to stop active classes 2 hours before bedtime, the same applies to watching TV.
Some mothers themselves do not give the child independence. As a result, any separation from her, even for 5 minutes, is perceived by him very sharply. To prevent this from happening, you need to attach the baby to independent actions:
- clean the dishes
- make a pot
- getting dressed for a walk
- choose clothes and shoes that you like.
Learning the new will contribute to the development of the baby, make him more independent.
Toddlers may refuse to sleep separately if there is a tense relationship between parents, when the mother tries to avoid being alone and subconsciously puts the child in bed, does not want to let go, so as not to be alone.
When a child is sick, he wants to constantly be with his mother so that she can help him cope with unpleasant symptoms. When the child feels unwell, it is better not to take steps to move. This is stress for the body, imposed on the disease, it will double the experience of the baby. Perhaps the cause of the child’s vagaries is much simpler. He is uncomfortable, cold, hot, stuffy. Extra things need to be removed from the crib, pajamas should be spacious, comfortable and soft. Be sure to ventilate the room before going to bed.
How to teach a child to fall asleep in his crib in 2-3 years
The kid must learn to sleep in his own bed until the age of one, later to accustom to this will be somewhat more difficult. Naturally, he should be aware of Mom’s presence nearby and her immediate assistance, he should be confident in overcoming frightening loneliness and fear.
Parents are obliged to help the baby in coping with stressful situations. Alienation from mother is a kind of first acquaintance with the concept of independence. For a child, this period is considered the stage of psychological maturation.
How to correctly approach this difficult situation:
- Step 1. We develop a schedule. For independent quick bedtime, it is not so important to observe everything clearly by the hour. Much more important is the development of a specific course of action. Let the preparation for bed accompanied by bathing, massage, feeding, listening to a fairy tale or song. The development of the skill for such a routine will take days, perhaps weeks, but it will be imprinted in the psyche of the child that the sequence of certain actions leads to fast, sound sleep.
- Step 2. We explain the reason. Without giving the child a reasonable explanation, the parents make a mistake. The child does not understand why if he had previously slept with his mother, now she is leaving, and he is left alone in the room. The kid needs to be explained that he is an adult, and it is time for him to fall asleep on his own. The absence of an explanation of the reasons causes the child to be misunderstood, surprised, frightened and confused. Important tips and small tricks
- Graduation is the key to success. Accustom yourself to independence will have to gradually. You can use an extra bed, which over time can be removed from the bed of parents.
- Learning to sleep in the crib during the day. A fragile and defenseless creature - this is how a newborn seems to young mothers and fathers. Therefore, many prefer to put the baby to sleep with themselves. But the child perceives this as a completely natural situation. If they try to lay him separately, this will cause him to protest and indignation. From an early age you need to accustom to your own bed. If you put a child 2-3 years old in his bed during the day, this will effectively help the process of getting used to independent sleep, with obligatory walks before the sleep, outdoor games, after which the child gets tired and easily falls asleep.
- Choosing the right bed. Unwillingness to sleep separately can be associated with the inconvenience of the baby's bed. An extra bed is very comfortable, it is a cradle without one side. Special mounts are designed to secure the crib on the same level as the parents' bed. That is, the child, lying in his bed, is simultaneously in close proximity to his mother.
- Rituals of going to bed. For a good healthy sleep, the baby must follow the daily regimen.All events and actions throughout the day should be clearly ordered so that the baby is confident in the constancy of his life. Massage, bathing at bedtime, feeding, reading a fairy tale - all have a beneficial effect on a child’s sleep.
Games before bedtime will help to teach a child to sleep in his crib
- A trip to visit. With children 2-3 years old, you can go on a visit to the holiday home, where the baby will sleep separately from her mother. It is imperative for the child to clarify in advance that he will have to sleep alone in the new place. Throughout the day, the child is given maximum attention, he should be busy with games, not bored, so that he does not want to return home. No need to succumb to the baby’s requests to go to bed together. The result of the sequence of parents in a few days will be a habit, aggressively vaccinated to the baby.
What prevents a child from learning to sleep alone
That very close emotional connection is the reason why it is difficult for an infant to sleep alone. It’s difficult to break the connection, but this doesn’t seem necessary for the baby.
A sense of security and unity with mom is a comfortable environment, outside of which the baby does not dare to go beyond its own will. Parents themselves begin the process, leaving the baby alone with thoughts about the causes of change and a sense of fear.
How to teach a child from 2 years old to fall asleep in a crib
If you have not found the strength to overcome a joint dream earlier, you will have to include all the diplomatic skills that you and your husband have. It is quite possible to agree with children 2-3 years old, even if the baby is with character. Try following the algorithm:
- Unity. You and your husband should have a clearly defined single line of behavior. You will sleep in a personal crib, and that’s it! If the mother wants to sleep with the baby, and the husband evicts him - there will be war. Parents must act together.
- Benefits. Explain to your child that sleeping in your bed is normal, good, and adult.
- Promotion. Explain to the child that this is not a punishment, this is an encouragement, because he is an adult, behaves well and deserves to be independent. You can even coincide with a move to a birthday or a holiday.
- Joint choice. Invite the baby to choose his bed together or arrange the one that is. The baby will proudly sleep in the territory that he himself has chosen or created.
- Mom is nearby. Explain to the child that mom is still nearby and if something happens, she will definitely come. If the child is afraid to stay on his own because of the darkness, get a special nightlight.
After 1.5 years, nightmares can torment children. These fears are best dealt with in the form of a game. Show the child that the monster is very small, not at all dangerous, funny that the baby will cope with it. This is best explained in the afternoon, in the light, in an unobtrusive way. Nightlights help around the baby's bed. Choose it, buy it together, so that the child likes, does not cause unpleasant associations.
You do not need to combine accustoming to your bed with other difficult situations in the baby. These include illness, meeting kindergarten, potty training. GW should be completed, or the number of feeds per day should not exceed three times. If the child can play on his own alone in the room for more than 10 minutes and not cry when he wakes up, and there are no adults nearby, most likely he is ready to sleep alone.
When not to force a child to sleep separately
For some reason, developing a habit of independent sleep must be delayed:
- The baby was born earlier than the specified term,
- Birth by Caesarean section,
- There was a birth injury
- There are signs of increased intracranial pressure,
- There is some lag in overall development,
- There are signs of any skin disease,
- The kid is aroused and tearful.
Children who have at least one of the listed symptoms need longer contact with their mother: they need more joint sleep than their peers.
Very vulnerable for the baby is the teething stage, as well as the period after the illness or the beginning of the visit to the kindergarten. These events are stressful for the unformed child's psyche, and at such moments he needs additional attention from the parents.
Any child does not want to sleep in his crib alone. Everything, of course, is individual, and depends on the age at which the process occurs. Among the causes of unstable sleep in infants are:
1 If the child is not yet one year old, then in the first place among the reasons is the need for feeding. The first six months the baby will not sleep all night and will constantly wake up. Over time, nighttime rest will account for most of the total sleep time. This regulation is due to the need for food. Going to sleep should occur on a full stomach.
2 The second reason may be uncomfortable sleeping conditions - low or high air temperature, humidity above or below the recommended values. Pediatricians consider a comfortable temperature - 18-21 ° C, humidity - at least 50%.
3 A third reason, more often related to one-year-olds or older, is fear. What can a baby fear at night, sleeping separately? First of all, darkness. The fantasy of crumbs can very frighten him in an unusual environment - darkness. But this does not mean that you need to leave the light on in the room, it will be difficult to unlearn it later. Before going to bed, it makes sense to give your baby a soothing tea.
4 Another reason may be stomach discomfort. This organ in newborns is still developing and for the first time does not perceive anything, except for mother’s milk or an adapted mixture. Introduction to the diet of complementary foods, as a rule, proceeds with possible problems, from which the baby does not sleep well, often waking up. If the baby has a tummy ache and nothing helps, get him a warm bath, and also give a massage for colic. Water will relax tired muscles and relieve pain.
You can find out more about the causes of poor newborn sleep during the day here.
We warn of possible errors
It is necessary to take into account the essential fact that the anxiety of the mother and her psychological resistance are transmitted to the baby.
There are a number of common mistakes that interfere with the process of getting the child accustomed to their own bedroom:
- Bullying a child
- Refusal to turn on the light,
- Inconsistency of the requirements of the parents regarding the baby,
- Talking in high tones regarding the child’s refusal to sleep separately,
- Ignoring or taunting manifestations of childhood fears,
- Discussing the situation with other people, with loved ones, in the presence of a child,
- Ignoring crying after waking up the baby or, conversely, running up to him at the first call.
- Allowing the baby already accustomed to his crib, by manipulating the feelings of the parents, to go to the parent's bed (except for the illness of the child).
If the question of teaching a baby to their own crib causes difficulties for parents, then you should resort to the help of qualified specialists: psychologists and pediatricians.
By summarizing the recommendations and advice of specialists, you can offer parents to follow some rules:
- The easiest way to teach your baby to own a bed is in the period of 6-8 months,
- The best way to develop a habit is to purchase an extra bed when the mother is near the baby and at the same time there is some distance between them,
- The process of getting used to your own sleeping place should be completed before the child's 2-3 years of age, since later it will be more difficult and painful,
- Any punishments, reprimands and any other disciplinary measures regarding the refusal of the child to sleep in a separate bed should be excluded. This will only delay the process and worsen the parent-child relationship
- Actions and measures to teach a baby to a separate bedroom place should be coordinated between all family members: accordingly, there should be the same requirements for the baby.
Changes and changes in the life of a child are a test for him and his parents. This also applies to the issue of how to teach a child to sleep in his crib. How much time will it take for the baby to get used to the innovation?
It depends on individual characteristics and age. The persistence and haste in this matter will only harm the process of adaptation. If the baby needs attention and care, he wants to feel the closeness of his mother, he needs to agree with him, gradually reducing the time spent next to him.
It is important to observe certain conditions and rules, which would certainly proceed from the interests of the child himself and would be necessarily developed taking into account the characteristics of the child's psyche.
Armed with the help of specialists, the knowledge of parents makes it easier and more affordable to turn the development of any habit in the baby into a painless comfortable process. And, of course, the universal means in relations with children, of course, are huge parental love and patience, savvy with the necessary knowledge about the subtle organization of an amazing child's soul.
Negative associations with sleep and frequent parental mistakes
Associations with sleep - this is the set of feelings that arise in the baby at the mention of laying. It is important to develop the right associations for this action.
The baby can be prepared for sleep by repeating from day to day simple activities that precede sleep. The latest cartoon, a glass of milk, washing, brushing teeth, reading a book, prayer.
Anything, but it should be simple actions that will not be a burden and make it clear that now there will be a retreat to sleep.
If through the fault of the parents the child has developed negative associations with sleep, then every evening will turn into a battle, as there will be no desire. A factor may be such a mistake of parents as leaving the baby in the crib alone when he cries. Parents can simply develop a negative attitude towards the process, as it will always be associated with stress.
Parents also make mistakes such as active games before falling asleep, thinking that when tired, the child will fall asleep faster. On the contrary, games excite the psyche of children, as well as watching TV at bedtime.
Important rule from birth
It is recommended not to accustom to sleep after eating, for babies on breast and artificial feeding. This can be done from birth. In the evening, when feeding the baby, do not go to bed, do not turn off the light so that there is no desire to sleep. Then in the future there will be less problems with how to accustom the child to the crib.
Breast, bottle can be replaced with a pacifier. But give it only for the period of falling asleep. Otherwise, the baby can get used to it, prolonged and frequent use of it provokes the development of a malocclusion. After the baby learns to fall asleep without food, you need to gradually wean it from the nipple.
Baby sleeping with a pacifier
After a year, you can replace night feedings with water. With children on artificial feeding, this process is much simpler. Almost from birth, they can sleep all night without a break. Toddlers at the Guards wake up often, looking for their mother so that she helps to fall asleep again. After a year, this is already a habit, inability to return to sleep by oneself.
Therefore, you gradually need to wean the baby from frequent nightly attachments to the chest. It is necessary to physically move away from the child. To separate the space, but not much distance from the baby, you can remove the side from the crib and slide it close to the bedroom place of the parents. If desired, the baby will be able to move to his mother, but will not be constantly nearby.
Baby cot next to parent's bed
It is necessary to establish a daily regimen, it is important at any age.Bedtime should be approximately the same every day. This is a kind of habit, but useful. At a certain time, the baby will be ready for daily rituals, preparing for bed. Compliance with the regime is useful to prevent overexcitation of the child. When the time is ready for bedtime, the child is tired, but continues to play. He behaves actively, he looks cheerful, but emotionally he has already been walking around. Then the children fall asleep badly, the sleep is restless, intermittent.
Tip. If the child falls asleep in his arms, he is used to motion sickness, you need to gradually move away from this. You can reduce the time spent holding the baby in his arms before going to bed, put him to bed early.
The main methods of relocation baby
For a baby to want to sleep in its crib, it must be convenient, comfortable, safe. Up to a year, do not recommend the use of blankets, skirts, due to the risk of strangulation of the baby. The beads protect the child from shock and create convenience, but, nevertheless, the child can bury their face in them. It is especially dangerous if the baby is still turning badly. Therefore, when using, you need to be careful and careful.
Additional Information. Pillows are not recommended until two years of age.
There are anatomical pillows allowed from birth. The doctor should recommend them, often there is no need for their use. In order for the skull to form correctly, it is enough to turn the baby from one side to the other during sleep. In addition, the children spin a lot, and pillows, blankets become simply meaningless, are on the other side of the bed. Until the child begins to roll confidently, twist his head, it is not necessary to give him soft toys, again for safety reasons.
Baby in a canopy bed
Many parents decorate baby cots with a canopy. When the baby begins to sit down and can reach it with his hands, it is necessary to remove it.
Using the substitution method
To facilitate moving to your crib, you can give your child a toy with the smell of mom. So it will be easier for him to fall asleep, he will feel safe. The toy can be left in the crib and briefly left, telling the baby that she is protecting and protecting him. Then thank her. Soon the child will have an association of toys with reliability and peace of mind. To some extent, she will replace mom. This is a substitution method.
Kid sleeping with a toy
You can sleep on his sheet for several days so that the smell of mom remains, and the child feels it.
Choosing the right bed as a solution
If the child does not want to sleep in the crib, the problem may be in his separate sleeping place. In this situation, you should purchase a special extra bed.
This type of furniture is an ordinary cradle, but it does not have one side. Thus, the crib smoothly flows into the bed for parents, and vice versa.
With the help of special fastenings, the bed for a child is set on the same level as an adult bed. The kid as if falls asleep separately, but is next to his mother.
A mother can feed her baby milk at any time, and she does not even need to get out of bed. When saturated, the child quickly closes its eyes, feeling the warmth of the mother's body. Affectionate mother's touches will also contribute to calm.
When the baby grows up a little (for example, at 2 or 3 months), a small side is created in his crib from the diaper for some separation from the mother. After another 4 weeks, the wooden board returns to the place, usually during this time the child manages to get used to the sleeping place.
The kid can not always fall asleep equally well and calmly go to his bed. Perhaps he is in a bad mood. It is also necessary to pay attention to this. If the child is crying, then he needs attention. You always need to approach and calm the baby:
- pet him
- to talk
- to sing a song.
It may not immediately calm down, picking up is not prohibited. Then put in a bed and there repeat the whole ritual of going to bed. All children are different from each other, they need different time for resettlement.
The main thing in relocation is confidence, consistency. All family members should be together. It is necessary to pay more attention to the baby in the daytime, so that he does not feel deprived and forgotten. Then the question of how to teach the child to sleep in his crib will be decided on his own, the child will go to his berth at will.
How to accustom a child to his crib?
Of course, first of all, it is necessary to pay attention to the needs and desires of the baby. However, one should not forget about the interests of adults. So, the popular TV doctor Komarovsky is convinced that you should not sacrifice yourself to the kids.
This means that you need to act decisively and take into account the interests of each household. After all, if mom or dad do not get enough sleep or wake up broken, no one will be better off.
To transfer the child to a separate bed, it is necessary to act consistently, patiently and take into account children's age. Of course, the selected methods will be different at 3 months or 3 years.
As already noted, the most favorable period for weaning the baby from the parent's bed is considered the age of six months, plus or minus several weeks.
In infancy, the baby is inclined to give up habits faster. What can be done in this case:
- experienced mothers are advised to closely monitor children's reactions. So that the baby can fall asleep faster, you need to put it in the crib not according to the established schedule, but at the first signs of fatigue. Otherwise, the active child will begin to spin in the cradle, read on the handles,
- it is possible to influence the subconscious, creating a connection between a certain action and falling asleep in an infant. The baby is already at 4 or 5 months old able to "track" the connection of bathing, relaxing massage and laying in bed. A lullaby before bedtime can also be a good ritual.
- cot - a place intended exclusively for falling asleep. You need to feed, play with the baby in completely different corners,
- if the baby falls asleep immediately after feeding, you need to put a diaper under the baby. After a quarter of an hour (when the baby is deeply asleep), you need to move the baby to bed. In addition, the soft diaper will retain the maternal odor, which will contribute to sound sleep,
- How to teach a newborn to sleep separately? Usually, problems with such a small baby do not arise. But for a good sleep, you can create the baby the conditions to which he is used to in the mother’s womb. Experienced mothers are advised to swaddle a baby up to 4 - 8 weeks, then this method already ceases to work.
If the child sleeps with his parents for up to about 9 months, then he learns to constantly contact them. Therefore, touch is extremely important to him.
This will allow the baby to feel surrounded by tenderness and love. But psychologists do not advise taking it on handles. It is better to just stroke, kiss, showing affection with touch.
Children over 2 years old
If the parents were not able to accustom the child to their own crib at 6 or 9 months, it is impossible to say unequivocally that the good time has already been lost and the baby will no longer get used to the new sleeping place.
However, it should not be considered normal that two- or three-year-old children sleep in their parental bed. Including marital relations. Here some tips:
- first advice: if the child does not sleep in the crib, you should be accustomed to a new bedroom place gradually. Use the hint voiced above - use the added children's bed. The baby will be nearby, but separate from the parents. Then the cot is removed from the parental bed,
- It will be easier to accustom a child to a crib if you invite him to purchase furniture himself.In stores there are models in the form of a car, a magic palace, an airplane, a ship,
- to the purchased bed you need to buy related accessories: a blanket, a sheet, a soft pillow, new pajamas. If the baby is wary of the darkness in the children's room, get a nightlight,
- his peers will help to teach the baby to sleep, they already have their own separate corner for sleeping. Come visit, so that the child can see how other children respect and pride in their personal crib,
- the baby is more likely to get used to his crib if he sleeps in it during the day. When laying, you need to cover the curtains, create a pleasant psychological atmosphere, for example, read a fairy tale or make a tiny massage. To make the dream come sooner, be sure to take a walk, let the child run and get a little tired,
- when the baby gets used, you can already go to a night's sleep in the crib. Turn on the night lamp to exclude various fears, read fairy tales. During the day, you need to deal with the child so that by dinner he already feels pleasant fatigue. However, be careful that children do not overwork.
Breastfeeding and Sleep
One of the associations is feeding. The baby in the first days of life and further during the first months falls asleep immediately after breastfeeding. Waking up, he recalls the conditions under which he was well, under which he went to sleep, and asks for his mother's chest again.
This state of affairs for a long time leads to a misunderstanding by the mother what the baby really wants when she wakes up - milk or reassurance. In this situation, it is necessary to find another way to calm him.
As a conclusion
If the question of how to teach your child to sleep separately from their parents seems too complicated, you can seek qualified advice from a pediatrician or psychologist.
In a generalized form, the recommendations of specialists look in the following way:
- it will be easier for the child to fall asleep alone if accustoming to the crib takes place in the optimal age period - from six to eight months,
- the younger the toddler, the easier it is for him to adapt to the conditions of falling asleep. Newborn babies usually (but not always) sleep calmly and without a mother,
- The best way to learn is considered a single bed, which allows you to be close to the child and at the same time maintain a certain distance,
- You should not delay moving to a personal crib until 2 - 3 years. At such an “adult” age, the process of getting used to will seriously drag on and become more painful,
- you can’t punish, scold the child, otherwise he will perceive a separate falling asleep as a disciplinary measure, which is not very good for parent-child relationships,
- It is important to bring the issue of baby sleep to a common denominator by discussing all the rules with other household members. The process of accustoming to the crib can be delayed if the grandmother puts the crumbs to her under the barrel.
As you know, every change in the life of a child is not easy. However, if you follow all the important rules and conditions, then very soon the baby will enjoy sleeping in his own bed, and you will enjoy peace and quiet, as well as full-fledged marital relations.
Signs of readiness to sleep in a personal crib
The main signs of readiness for relocation are:
- lack of need for frequent breastfeeding,
- the ability to be alone, without scandals, for 20-25 minutes,
- if the baby does not ask for hands 24 hours a day,
- There are no health problems, both physical and psychological.
If these signs do not concern your situation, then it is worth gradually working to ensure that they are respected.
Steps to Successful Sleeping
There are 4 steps to know how to teach a baby to crib:
- Search for a reserve sedative for the baby, replacing them with empty breastfeeding.
- Relocation to the crib and its gradual estrangement.
- The development and application of the right associations of bedtime.
- The development of the correct reaction to the vagaries of a child with a separate dream.
With age, the regimen and ritual of falling asleep change. This is normal and natural. The same lullaby and mother's breasts that were required for the newborn turned into a book and a glass of milk. Each parent has his own opinion on this.
In general, the development of the regime requires a daily repetition of some actions. It has been proven that it takes about 21 days to form a habit. Therefore, it is worth considering this fact and laying so much time in setting up the ritual.
Change of mode is normal when it happens in a good way. Do not forget that in the same 21 days a habit can be forgotten, if it is absent. Always observe the observance of the ritual in the evening hour.
Timely going to bed
In their practice, pediatricians recommend putting children to bed:
- in summer - no later than 21:00,
- in winter - no later than 20:00.
Timely going to bed is the key to the baby’s health, it allows him to oversleep as much as is necessary for his age.
Do not neglect the recommendations if the daily routine of the parents allows you to do this.
With this development of events, your baby will sleep until 6-7 a.m. and wake up sleepy. This is exactly the time when many parents need to get ready for work.
How much rest a baby needs per day and stress hormone
For different ages, the duration of sleep is different. The older the man, the more this indicator approaches the normal value of 8 hours a day.
For newborns, the figure is greater. The baby sleeps almost 18-20 hours a day, but very intermittently. Gradually, the bulk of the rest will go into the night.
The average need for rest by the hour for each age is presented in the table:
|Age||Number of hours in the afternoon||Hours at night|
With a lack of sleep in the body of a small person, an increased amount of cortisol, a stress hormone, is produced. For this reason, the baby becomes moody, naughty.
Also, immunity is reduced, allergic reactions, inflammation, and inhibition of the nervous system may occur. If other stress factors (quarrels, unhealthy conditions at home) are added to this, then this can lead to various neuropsychiatric abnormalities.
Comfortable indoor conditions
Comfortable conditions are very much associated with the quality of rest. Air temperature, humidity, silence, lighting. Everything should be thought out and meet the requirements.
Favorite toy calms the baby at any age, do not ignore this fact.
A toy for a child is a friend who always listens and looks in the eyes. Favorite toy in the hands - part of "his" next. Do not neglect the request to bring a toy to bed, the baby will be calmer with her.
Do not forget about night lighting. When accustomed to a particular dream, frequent visits to the crumbs can not be avoided. The need for short-term lighting of the room arises constantly.
For comfortable, soft and low light use a night light. It can be a children's night light, which will also be of interest to your fidget.
Most parents purchase a crib before the birth of the child. This is understandable, because it will be needed immediately after birth. And the very acquisition of it is just a pleasant chore associated with the birth of a baby.
The crib must meet safety requirements, Do not tip over, do not have sharp corners and dangerous places, mechanisms. For an older child, the choice of a crib is a special event. As he becomes independent, ask him what bed he would like to have.
Of course, at 2 or 3 years old he is unlikely to be able to tell about his desires himself, but he must take part in the process.Examine the crib in the store with him, let him choose what he liked. And there is such a bed - after all, today on any children's thing there are characters of your favorite cartoons.
This skill is the ultimate goal of your journey to a separate dream. The stage of developing the self-falling asleep skill is a difficult test.
All the association methods and rituals described above will help in this. If the baby goes to bed already in a relaxed state, then the chances that he will fall asleep quickly are very high.
But in any case, you do not need to accustom the child to a constant presence next to his bed. With a little man of three years it is already possible to negotiatehaving determined in advance that after reading the tale the lights will be turned off, and the parent, wishing good night, will leave the room. The key to success in this matter is the peace of the parent and the comfort of the child. For more information on how to put your baby to bed, see this publication.
In the case of a newborn, if there is a problem to quickly reassure the child, there are several ways:
- Wiggle - a recreation of habitual movement in the womb,
- Touch - physical contact,
- Recreating familiar crumbs of sounds,
If a child wakes up 2-3 years old, then it is advisable to find out the cause of awakening and eliminate it.
The traditions of laying children in different countries
- Americans are ardent opponents sleeping together, and from early childhood they know how to teach a baby to fall asleep on their own and sleep all night in a crib.
- The Japanese, on the contrary, have been practicing this technique for a very long time, since closeness between family members is very important for their culture.
- The Italians are completely in solidarity with the Japanese, and for them laying separately is an indicator of dislike for their child.
- The Germans and Austrians are very strict about the daily routine, therefore, from birth they also vaccinate this to the younger members of the family.
- In Kenya, New Guinea, Ethiopia, it is customary to sleep as follows: boys with dads, girls with moms. The Swedes prefer to relax with the children, because they believe that this brings them together.
Joint rest has a large number of advantages. This method is worth practicing, especially when breastfeeding. But when weaning begins, then it is worth starting to shift the baby into his bed. The main thing is to do it gradually, not to rush.
The question "how to teach a child to sleep in his crib" is not the easiest. But it cannot be called unsolvable. Be closer to the baby, understand his mood and condition, feel it, and then the baby will easily sleep in his crib.
A popular host, a doctor of the highest category E.O., talks about the rules of baby sleep. Komarovsky: